Miss Single
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later, I got a text saying, "I just dropped the bitch off, I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I later asked him about it. He said, "Megan, I have no idea what you're talking about." My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML
Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML
Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML
Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML
Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML
Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML
Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML
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