joey4293

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Joey4293's favorite FMLs

By treegirl - 26/07/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 129

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 226

You deserved it 42 123

By FUSMC - 12/08/2009 06:01 - United States

Today, I came home on leave from a 7 month deployment to Iraq. I wanted to see my girlfriend today, but she needed to spend time with her sick grandmother. As it turns out, her sick grandmother and my cousin are the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 678

You deserved it 3 550

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 839

You deserved it 22 699

By Dave - 10/09/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 551

You deserved it 3 585

Gotcha moment

By nick - 18/10/2009 13:39 - Canada

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him, "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied, "Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 103

You deserved it 54 774

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 057

You deserved it 63 349

By fatguyinalittlecoat - 08/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 960

You deserved it 5 295

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking about?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 226

You deserved it 31 291

By drugbaby - 18/12/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 146

You deserved it 3 749

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 12:49 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 315

You deserved it 2 899

By StinkyCactus - 08/01/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 423

You deserved it 4 588

StinkyCactus tells us more.

StinkyCactus 0

Monday 11 January 2010 2:13

"LOL U CANT HAS PET HEDGIE ITS EVIL/FAKE FAKE FAKE/WHO HAS PET HEDGEDOG NEWAYS?" Eat a dick. "Google." Seriously, do you people really think it's okay to just open your ignorant trap about every little thing you have a misinformed opinion about? Seriously, before you get all stupid on the internet, know what you're talking about. "I AM TEH HEDGEHAWG OWNUR GOD AND UR DOIN IT WRONG!" Yes, it was a mistake for her to get into the cat's litter, but other than that, she is very well taken care of and very happy. I have done a lot of research about the kind of hedgehog she is and how to take care of her, so rest assured, she is in good hands, so please, pull your head out of your ass. Again- know what you're talking about before you judge. "HOW I GETZ HOG? PLZ TELL MEEEEEEEEE" Google. Seriously! That's how I did. I heard people had them as pets, so, I started researching. I drove 3 hours to find a qualified breeder to pick up my baby hedgie, but only before I spent a good week reading literature and reading articles by owners and breeders about their health and what to expect. DO NOT go get a hedgie on a random whim- AGAIN- know what you're doing before taking on a pet, of any kind. If you think you're ready, and can legally own one, look up your local breeder and set it up. Thank you for everyone with pleasant comments and/or at least civil ones if you disagree with hedgehog ownership.