Mr Sicklerville,Nj,, USA 36 years-old Single
Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML
Today, I told the guy I like to listen to a song that expressed how I felt about him. When he was done, I asked what he thought about it. He said it made him realize that his ex was the love of his life and that he wants to go back to her. FML
Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML
Today, I drove the width of the country to tell the girl I've lost that I'm in love with her. She wasn't home. FML
Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML
Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML
Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML
Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML
Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML
Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML
Today, I received a rejection letter from a college that I'd applied to 6 years ago. FML
Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML
Today, my boyfriend cheated on me. But he justified it by saying she was a ginger. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML
Today, six years after hurricane Katrina took everything from me, I received a letter in the mail from FEMA telling me that I have to repay them the money I received to replace what was lost. I have 30 days to repay $4,900 or the case will be sent into federal debt collection. FML
Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, I found out that my stalker ex-girlfriend named her newborn son after me. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML
Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML
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