Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, my 5 year-old and I walked in on a girl giving her boyfriend a blow job in the washroom at the playground. Last week we found a crack pipe on the picnic table. So many conversations I wish we could have waited for… FML
Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML
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Top comments
omegaxen 0
That blows!
Hockey_fan 0
Well that really sucks" That really "Dampened" your spirits That "blows" Well..we all seen it "Coming" ...I'm sorry
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Comments (432)
omegaxen 0
That blows!
smirnoff1695 0
That sounds a quite unsanitary:P
mr_torch91 1
I'm callin bullshit.
kyleinsane 0
Booooobs
seanders 10
I wouldn't tell any girlfriends that if you plan on kissing them or going down on them.
rottentomatoes 7
And I bet OP did get an STD.
EvilPotato 15
How did their sperm taste, was it yummy.
ariannaa_fml 17
1, you wouldn't happen to have a blow pop in your mouth would you??
Denikk 0
Oh god, OP is a guy... o.o
ScaughtieHolden 11
46, find out yourself you creep.
Iheartfunny 1
Oh 1- I see what you did there blow like a baloon and blow like a ***** double meaning. But seriously that sucks.
Lily_lops95 0
Haha good one
samammynanny 0
Damn that's nasty
Lanceeden 12
Water balloon fight! LOOOL
WeezyBites 6
Damn, app messed around with post numbers and put them in the wrong order. Ignore me, I fail.
Keyman1212 14
Holy mother of God... This has to be the worst FML I have ever read.
Jayrs93 11
Man, that blows loads
Bravo11 14
I agree with 121. This is the worst FML that I have ever read.
krazy_glu3 0
My worst/nastiest childhood stories couldn't even come close to this. Gross.
Sebastian_NG 17
how did that even happen??? u bought a prostitute, got there and said "hey i remember this place", then spent the whole hour crying and remembering ur childhood and she still charged u??
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Just imagine what all the people who use prostitutes look like! Yuk!
abbyelizabeth 9
You should seriously be tested for STDs if you put your mouth on them.
sweet_blue 3
Agreed this one is pretty bad
monkeys1315 0
That is the most horrible thing ever. You know how they say "things could always be worse" this could not be worse
eurostar710 11
You might want to get tested...... For everything.
macanderson 2
so you learned to blow the weird way
Shadow_Phantom 26
Actually 156, it can be worse... if OP has an STD... or two... or three.
akayc32 0
196... I think being dead would be worse... But then I guess it depends on what/if OP caught something worse than death, but it doesn't seem so with the way it is written.
YDI__Bitch 0
I'm at a loss of words.
DrewsFML 8
This FML just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Jovecove 13
This, my friends is truly an FML.
Squirrelx 5
Does anyone else notice OP's name...?
iluvwaffles42 0
Why would anyone blow up a balloon they found on the street anyway? especially a soggy one
Mokiikom_fml 8
#51 WTF are you thinking??? With such a situation the gdnder doesn't matter ANYTHING, it's utterly disgusting regardless. If you ate poop, would you go "oh, it's okay! Good thing I'm a woman, that way the poop automatically becomes fudge!" It's disgusting regardless of being a guy or girl!! Especially with putting the mouth on the cum and on the juices from inside the prostitute....
RealChinese 7
@51 should he feel better if he had been a girl instead?
CRuueL 0
WIINIINNG!!
Xr70r7 4
Imagine what the hookers thought seeing little kids blowing up used condoms?!
deefan101 11
He didn't know better... OP said he was a child when this happened
btbamfan75 0
your mom was yummy
ImFrackinBored 13
STD's are not pokemon.
Bobthedrunk 2
Enjoying the herpes? Man you and your brothers were idiots as children.
Iamme30069 5
U took my pun
YoungWildand1D 5
Haha you're so punny
princeofgirl 18
A southern state.... Not surprising they had the lower intelligence to do stuff like this.
hillhero 2
Can someone say balloon animals?
theunwiseone 4
BALOON ANIMALS
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I can, but not five times fast. It's a tongue twister :D
sassyangel24 0
18, I could say it five times fast! It's easier if you take your voice up an octave.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Well I was sorta joking, it just wasn't funny :P but I'm not used to talking so I'd probably mess up saying anything five times fast.
bizarre_ftw 22
They aren't allowed to work..... Prostitution is illegal. Though honestly no one gives a shit. If it's a kid or the person is forced to then hell yeah we care but if the person made the conscious choice to go on the game no one gives a damn! Except for the Christians, but you can say that with almost anything
ArcadePie 10
27. Shut up
KiddNYC1O 22
Someone sharted.
WeezyBites 6
ArcadePie, if you'd replied to 96 your pic would've made that brilliant.
WeezyBites 6
App messed up and put posts in the wrong order, ignore me. And if this double sends or disappears elsewhere again.. well ****.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
"I'll have 6 shots please, bartender: what's the occasion? Op: I had my first *******, bartender: oh well here's a 7th on me then! OP: thanks but I doubt it could get the taste out of my mouth."
retardthinkswhat 3
What do you want? A baloon snake, worm, or eel?
Lanceeden 12
DONT HAVE SEX. YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE.
missyj0 12
Memories to share with your future children!
Butasko0ch 0
Uhhh hope your clean after all that
datguyuno 5
Uhh I thing I'm think is that, why did you spend most of ur childhood in a brothel?
DoubleDose 0
yes because the law clearly states people with STDs are banned from having relations with non STD people
Dalliance 4
Glad the memory was shared with us on FML, too. It's one of the grossest I've read in a while. Just wish I could've seen the slowly dawning realization on OP's face when he finally figured it out.
liggity 1
This FML is by far the most ive ever felt your life sucks I've ever read! Gross!
DrewsFML 8
Yes, you'll just have to be satisfied sharing this memory with YOUR future children since you drank the prostitutes' future children.
liggity 1
Not only did they drink the prostitutes future kids but they put their mouths on who knows how many cocks and all the ball cheese. I'm gonna go get sick now... Again
myschyveus 0
I bet op has aids on their molars, maybe incisors too lol
oliviaalexandria 3
He might be sharing more than memories with them.. :(
Hunter154 0
your cute lol ;)
leadrunner751 3
"when I was your age, balloons had hepatitis and herpes"
StRex1990 2
that's horrible.. but you guys probably shouldn't have been playing with stuff u found on the floor anyways fyl
taazer 12
How could they know? They were only kids..
DerpyHooves 0
When is it ever a good idea to put random thongs on the ground in or around your mouth? Unless they were 2 I don't see why they didn't know better.
DerpyHooves 0
Lol, things not thongs.
deviable 9
When I was a kid I knew putting soggy balloons in my mouth was a stupid idea.
YtotsDI 0
141 shouldnt have corrected it. it was funnier with thongs.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Knowing better and behaving better are two different things. A young child may not you don't want him putting things from the ground in his mouth but may not understand why. I would've thought the first time one tasted the soggy balloon would've been curative but apparently not. Regardless, this is a parental fail. Who lets their child play unsupervised in a known prostitution hangout?
zachherbert 10
I liked thongs better.
XxHoPPoxX 8
did you by any chance happen to find it in a size 6 leather boot and mistake it for a snake skin
cbdee 8
No shit #8
FML_accounT123 5
EWWWW must've freaked u out halfway through health class when u realized what those balloons actually are
TeeHee124 0
I guess you could say... that blows.
agentx52 13
I guess you could say...you're way too late with that one
pichan_fml 11
Early learning much? Lol
lidsthesquid 4
Not really.....
Hockey_fan 0
Well that really sucks" That really "Dampened" your spirits That "blows" Well..we all seen it "Coming" ...I'm sorry
Lily_lops95 0
If you trying to make that sound funny you should have said "cuming" not "coming"
nolarboot 10
Saw* Sorry, had to.
Hockey_fan 0
Ah damn...I knew I messed up
ARandomPersona 0
Lol
SPC117 5
STD STD STD for you and me!
boredmex01 2
exactly what I was thinking!!!!!
kaoriblossom 8
In your pic, I imagined the zebra saying that :D
popcynical 4
enjoy your herpes!
IscoreOnU 19
I thought of 9's comment as a song. But I couldn't figure out a tune for it. Any ideas?
omgthatsosuppera 4
Your brother is a legend
KushMastaDisasta 3
In that case, OP must be Eazy E's brother.. too soon?
omgthatsosuppera 4
Your brother is a legend