The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 18 August 2021, 22:01

GIVE ME BOOZE, NOW!

Today, I got a change of ID. My old ID had its corner cut off and was given a temporary paper ID. I went to a bar in another town to have some drinks. Turns out I couldn't because they couldn't use my old ID or my temporary one to let me drink, even though I'm 22. I've been there before and I work at my town's liquor store. FML

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Trinity · 3 May 2022, 00:01

Double trouble

Today, not only did I shit myself on my way to work, I left my house keys in the bathroom after I cleaned up. It's $90 to replace them. FML

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Anonymous · 31 October 2022, 14:00 ·Germany

Snail mail

Today, I finished the cumbersome process to sign up and log in to my health insurance’s online office so I could reach them by email. As a reply, I got an email telling me I have a message on the website, which - after having logged in - informed me that they have replied to my inquiry. By letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876 You deserved it 104

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Smelly · 5 April 2022, 16:00

Get the message

Today, it’s my birthday. At work, at my desk, I found this beautiful gift-wrapped box and a card that read, “From all of us, we really care about you, and hope you like your present!” I opened the box. It had body shower gel, deodorant, soap, fragrance spray, and “frizz shampoo.” Hint taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876 You deserved it 459

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duck me! · 2 March 2023, 04:00

Prank culture has gone too far

Today, some asshole superglued ten rubber ducks to my car while I was at work. FML

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Anonymous · 30 December 2020, 02:02 ·United States

Diaspora

Today, I found out the guy i've been crushing on might be my cousin. Again. FML

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Anonymous · 11 May 2021, 22:01

Time for another podcast

Today, I think my boyfriend is having an affair. With Joe Rogan. Why? Every time I mention something, he basically replies, "Joe Rogan said…" For example: Vaccines? "Joe Rogan said yada yada yada." Weed? "A guest on Joe Rogan's podcast said…" And so on. I HATE YOU, ROGAN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876 You deserved it 239

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Anonymous · 9 June 2021, 11:02 ·Iasi, Romania

Faint praise

Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 876 You deserved it 106

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Anonymous · 28 August 2022, 10:00 ·Johannesburg, South Africa

The Walking Dead

Today, we had a blindfold trust activity we had to do at university. While walking around with my hands up blindfolded, like the Walking Dead, I accidentally grabbed my young lecturer by both her breasts. We never spoke about it, just felt awkward around each other afterwards. FML

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bad bad bad bad idea · 28 January 2022, 14:01 ·United States

Every dog has its day

Today, I had to very seriously and very slowly explain to my friend why having a bat mitzvah for her dog was a very ignorant and insulting idea. FML

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Anonymous · 14 November 2022, 06:00

Sounds like CPTSD as well…

Today, I asked my father if it was okay for me to take an ADHD test. He spent about 30 minutes yelling at as to why that is a dumb idea. I have asked multiple people who know me better than anyone else and they believe that I might have ADHD. FML

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Anonymous · 5 February 2023, 04:00 ·Germany

Best foot forward

Today, it’s been 4 months since I haven't been able to walk properly, two months I’ve been waiting for a doctor’s appointment, and one day since I found out that appointment never actually got made by the online booking system. But hey, who needs a left foot? FML

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Anonymous · 13 October 2023, 11:30 ·Aiken, United States

Trigger warning

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I told him that I was going to tickle him, to which he responded me how he’d “crack” me in the head so that I’d never even think about tickling him again. It threw me into a panic attack and people laughed. I’m a survivor of domestic violence. FML

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Anonymous · 25 July 2021, 00:01

Out of the frying pan…

Today, after months of dealing with homophobic abuse for my coworkers and supervisors at my previous job, I was excited to start my new job where most of my co-workers were LGBTQ. I find out a majority of them don't like me because my fiancé is a deputy sheriff. FML

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Anonymous · 30 January 2021, 14:01 ·Oxford, United Kingdom

Hat Up

Today, my partner was sent 450 miles away by the army, after he had been home for only 22 hours. Yesterday they told him he could come home for two weeks. I guess the British army doesn't want me to be happy. FML

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Megsley · 20 August 2022, 04:00 ·Milwaukee, United States

Pampered

Today, I went to the Walgreens by my house and bought 8 body wash soaps because my boyfriend needs that much for 3 days. I’ve done this so many times that the girls at the register know me, and my boyfriend, by name. They gave me a bunch of $5 off coupons because they felt so bad for me. FML

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Sonotsuave · 30 December 2022, 21:00 ·United States

Happy Holidays!

Today, I’m in Las Vegas on vacation with my boyfriend and his dad. After staying in his dad’s dirty, dusty, toilet-broken Arizona cabin, we’re now in a cheap, shady, smoke-filled Vegas motel. I’m picking the hotels next time. FML

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p0isonOreo68 · 8 November 2020, 08:03

Alexa, play "These Things Take Time" by The Smiths

Today, I broke my glasses, so I scheduled an appointment to get a new pair. The soonest available appointment? November 21st. FML

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justin(((())))) · 15 July 2022, 18:00

MAKE IT STOP

Today, and for the past few weeks, I've been hyper-aware of my heartbeat, and super paranoid that it’s just going to randomly stop beating at any time. This is a constant state for me, and it isn’t going away no matter what I do. FML

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Anonymous · 6 October 2021, 23:00

It's a conspiracy!

Today, it turns out calling out my mother's best friend out for the right-wing conspiracy theorist she is wasn't one of my best ideas. Now, my mother won't even reply to my messages. It's been two months. FML

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dumb&dumped · 18 April 2023, 00:00 ·United States

Paranoid

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after we played the "Which celebrity would you sleep with?” game. He decided that since all my answers were guys who looked nothing like him, that I must secretly find him unattractive. Oh and that I would cheat with any of those guys if given the opportunity. FML

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Anonymous · 15 August 2021, 00:01

Silver linings

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

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Anonymous · 23 July 2023, 10:00

Walking stereotype over here

Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML

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BleedingEarsHungryStomach · 31 December 2022, 00:00

Escape from Hell

Today, my flight home was delayed, then cancelled. I've been hiding in the bathroom for almost an hour, just to get a break from my mom's endless stream of celebrity gossip and every other thought that comes into her head, all while she cooks delicious food that I can no longer eat due to severe allergies. FML

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autistic RBF · 22 February 2023, 00:00

RBF FML

Today, my mother screamed at me for the millionth time for “giving her a dirty look” as if I could see my own face. I’m just tired. I just wish people would pay attention to my words and not my face. FML

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Anonymous · 17 June 2022, 17:59 ·Kennebunk, United States

Mixed signals

Today, I told my long-distance partner that I wanted to take them on a date to the aquarium next time they're in town. They said, "That would be my first date ever!" When I asked about when we went to the zoo and dinner last week, they said it was, "the closest thing to a date" they'd had. Apparently, we're actually just friends. FML

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Anonymous · 11 August 2021, 18:01

What?

Today, I finally confronted my father about how rude and tactless he is. It wasn't until I'd finished my rant that I realized he was ignoring me. He then told me to get him something to drink. I replied, "Since you asked so rudely, you can go get it yourself." As soon as I'd said that, he grunted and repeated himself. FML

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Di Da · 12 April 2022, 12:00 ·Switzerland

A tale as old as time

Today, my friends told me that my crush was hooking up with another girl. I wouldn't have taken it that bad if he hadn't flirted with me all the time, giving me false hope. FML

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Laura · 15 July 2023, 22:00 ·Chicago, United States

The hell that is dating

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He told me his wife had filed for divorce this morning (I had no idea he had ever been married) and then he sent me the e-receipt for my nachos along with his Venmo handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874 You deserved it 151

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Anonymous · 24 June 2023, 12:00

Howdy!

Today, after a full year of work getting my house decorated, it was finally finished. I stepped back from the last painted wall to admire it and my neighbour on the other side of the wall, who was doing some decorating of his own, drilled too far and punched his drill bit right through the wall. FML

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