Today, I think my boyfriend is having an affair. With Joe Rogan. Why? Every time I mention something, he basically replies, "Joe Rogan said…" For example: Vaccines? "Joe Rogan said yada yada yada." Weed? "A guest on Joe Rogan's podcast said…" And so on. I HATE YOU, ROGAN. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my live-in boyfriend spent yet another evening trying to bait Twitch streamers into a debate about stuff he barely understands. He's obsessed with "growing his audience", and I'm getting tired of his bullshit. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend blows weed smoke at me while I sleep. I don’t smoke. Then he turns off the Ring camera in the middle of the night and cheats on me with men that he finds on Grindr. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML
Today, my boyfriend has always been a health nut, but he's really started going off the deep end lately. He's gone from just disliking fast food to a lunatic yelling about organ meat (YUCK), seed oils, and microplastics, as well as other things I don't understand. FML
Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML
Today, my boyfriend made me feel like shit because I didn’t feel like going fishing, and compared me to his "fake" friends, even though every day for the past two months, I’ve gone every time he’s asked. But anytime I suggest we do something different, he shuts it down. FML
Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML
Today, my boyfriend crossed a line with his bullshit "jokes". At dinner, he once again annoyed my dad by insisting that the "AR" in "AR-15" means "assault rifle". My dad is an NRA gun nut, so he finally blew up and told him that he was going to "AR his nuts if he didn't quit fucking with him." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
As a UFC fan and fan of Joe, it is not wise to take everything he says literally. Some things he says is satire or purposefully exaggerated cause he is, after all, a comedian. If he continues to quote Joe as a reliable source just shout... "AAAANNNDDD IT IS AAAAAAALLLLLLLL OOOVVVVVEEEEEEERRRR!!!!!"...to your boyfriend and leave him to his JRE fanaticism.
mike3775 39
Go up to him and say “Joe Rogan said I need to dump you” then say “so I am” then walk away and grab your stuff and leave and never answer his calls or texts and block him on all social media
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Comments (6)
Bogrbon 27
Joe Rogan is a ******* moron. Good luck with that boyfriend. Might be time to trade up.
cuz803 46
As a UFC fan and fan of Joe, it is not wise to take everything he says literally. Some things he says is satire or purposefully exaggerated cause he is, after all, a comedian. If he continues to quote Joe as a reliable source just shout... "AAAANNNDDD IT IS AAAAAAALLLLLLLL OOOVVVVVEEEEEEERRRR!!!!!"...to your boyfriend and leave him to his JRE fanaticism.
mike3775 39
Go up to him and say “Joe Rogan said I need to dump you” then say “so I am” then walk away and grab your stuff and leave and never answer his calls or texts and block him on all social media
Brightside86 31
Joe Rogan says not to focus on things that just make your life worse. You have limited mental bandwidth and choosing to spend it there prevents you from focusing on things that make you better/happy.
bleachedraven 14
I don't really know who Joe Rogan is, but I do like this idea.
phybreawptic 13
Joe Rogan said that the one thing you won't find when searching for bigfoot is a black person. Albeit it was on a standup special and not his podcast.