The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 11 January 2023, 12:00 ·United States

He's a keeper

Today, I got the news that my ex-boyfriend from two years ago died in a car crash. My fiancé found me crying in the living room when he came home from work. When he found out why I was inconsolable, he said, "Make sure you say hi to that abusive turd in hell for me, thanks for everything." He is now staying at a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869 You deserved it 1 652

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 28 June 2023, 03:00

Fine mess

Today, I begged my parents not to take me to a restaurant for my birthday, but sure enough, they took me to one, along with my siblings, aunts, uncles, you name it. Ordering with them is a nightmare, so after a whole half-hour the waiter still hadn’t gotten everyone’s complicated orders written down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869 You deserved it 132

4 comments Share

can’t go vegan · 7 July 2023, 03:00

Weird logic

Today, I actually overheard the sentence, “People who can’t go vegan for medical reasons should die gracefully rather than eat an animal.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 869 You deserved it 147

6 comments Share

Pandorian · 18 April 2023, 03:00 ·Amsterdam, Netherlands

Goodbye, I guess

Today, I tried to plan a date with five colleagues for a goodbye-drink together, since I'm leaving the team after two and a half years. They told me it was going to be difficult to pick a date that suited everybody, so they already took into account that it won't be happening. When another colleague left, we went out for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869 You deserved it 150

1 comment Share

sleepless · 27 May 2022, 12:00 ·Epping, Australia

Protip

Today, after medication, relaxation, sleep hygiene, and various other remedies for my insomnia failed, I've resorted to listening to an alien conspiracy podcast to fall asleep. The content is so insane and his voice is so monotone, I swear my brain shuts down in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869 You deserved it 115

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 17 August 2023, 00:00 🌶️ Spicy

Labor laws are a joke

Today, I asked a girl at work out, who'd claimed she was single. Not ten minutes later, our boss fired me. Turns out that girl is actually his side chick he cheats on his wife with, even though she’s 19 and he’s 48. Not illegal, just scummy as hell, and he fired me out of jealousy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 127

8 comments Share

Anonymous · 15 February 2021, 11:01 ·Skellefte?, Sweden

No end in sight

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 169

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 16 July 2022, 14:00

0 to 100mph real quick

Today, I noticed I was starting to get a double chin. I’ve only just gotten to a healthy weight after a serious battle with anorexia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 129

7 comments Share

Anonymous · 9 February 2022, 02:00 ·Norden, Germany

Rip it up and start again

Today, after cleaning my mom’s bathroom, I wiped the molding strip along the wall so it was even. A quite precariously-hung potted plant thought that reason enough to fall right on top of me, spreading dirt over the entire room as well as my hair, my sweater, and the inside of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 137

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 10 May 2022, 18:00

Run for the hills

Today, I finally realized my husband sees our son and I as more of a financial burden than actually wanting to provide for us. Well, now what the fuck do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 301

6 comments Share

Corey · 18 October 2022, 00:00 ·Darien, United States

Lonely boy

Today, it's been two years since I won a romantic dinner for two from a work raffle. It's been two years and I still haven't found anyone to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 136

6 comments Share

Anonymous · 24 March 2023, 14:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

Flying disaster

Today, I was on a plane when I had to use the bathroom. While pulling up my pants, the flush button got stuck and the water kept running. I tried to fix it, but ended up flooding the bathroom and the aisle. The attendants had to give me a towel and escort me back to my seat with everyone on the plane staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 144

1 comment Share

Driver · 18 June 2021, 08:01

Slow day

Today, after a 14-hour day at work 180 km away, the freeway was closed 30 km from home. I had to detour, adding another hour and a half to the already three-hour trip home. I was basically at work for almost 28 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 100

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 29 December 2021, 23:01 ·Mumbai, India

Going well is it?

Today, I analysed my first mock test for an exam I have to take in 5 months. I got 31/150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 376

7 comments Share

ThisIsYourDoc · 15 May 2023, 12:00 ·Malans, Switzerland

Neverending shift

Today, I started a new job as a resident at a rural hospital. So far, nobody has been able to tell me when the shifts were officially supposed to end. They told me they just "leave when we're done with all the patients." I work on a 24/7 emergency station, and I guess I now also live here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 146

4 comments Share

lordoftheweird · 29 July 2021, 10:59

What the…?

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 123

5 comments Share

confused · 30 April 2021, 14:01 ·United States

Mr. Robot

Today, my boyfriend said we needed to talk. He called me cruel, cold and heartless and that it’s making him reconsider what kind of future we may have together. All because I hate sappy movies and don’t cry on the scenes where the dogs die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 291

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 27 June 2021, 20:00

Do it yourself, then

Today, my roommate said that whoever was doing the dishes was doing it wrong. I've been doing the dishes for weeks. So much for being a clean roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867 You deserved it 149

6 comments Share

Adam curran · 24 April 2022, 06:00

No way

Today, my roommate expected me to help them buy them car, or loan them some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867 You deserved it 118

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 18 September 2021, 11:00

Wokescolds gonna wokescold

Today, I was accused of digital blackface and culturally appropriating my own culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867 You deserved it 88

3 comments Share

Alice · 16 August 2021, 18:01

Considering something?

Today, as a single and ready to mingle mother, I was glad to be on a second date. All was going well, we started making out when he pulled away and said, "It's crazy that Casey Anthony got away with what she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 867 You deserved it 123

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 March 2023, 06:00 ·Germany

Sick burn

Today, I got the flu so I needed a sick note. The local doctor’s office has a sign outside saying, “DON’T come in if you’re contagious.” They are also completely unreachable by phone. Sooo, I guess I’ll… send a pigeon? FML

I agree, your life sucks 867 You deserved it 108

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 8 November 2022, 00:00

Three's the charm

Today, my car was broken in for a second time in a month and a half, and for the second time it's now Inoperable. I only got it returned from repairs two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867 You deserved it 73

0 comment Share

Anonymous · 19 July 2022, 00:00

Did I teach you NOTHING?

Today, I ordered pizza for dinner and left cash by the door so my son could pay for it, in case it arrived before I got home. I told him they should get all the money, but I just found the tip. Apparently he thought I'd miscounted. I'm a server. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 194

4 comments Share

can'tbreathe · 6 May 2022, 06:01

Badmouthing

Today, I contemplated leaving my husband because his best friend is overbearing and doesn't respect the boundaries of our relationship, all while talking bad about me to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 147

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 6 March 2022, 18:00 ·Germany

WOOF WOOF

Today, our deaf old dog not only barks for no reason while lying comfortably on her dog bed, lacking for nothing, she now also barks in her sleep. And not those dreamy little yips either; full barks, loud enough to be heard in the next room. Which is where I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 160

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 26 April 2023, 00:00

Money money money

Today, my lovely ex-mother-in-law died and now my ex has stopped talking to me. I found out through a mutual friend that we only had an amicable divorce in case his mother had left me money in her will, but now he’s got all her money, he didn’t even take time to invite me to the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 162

4 comments Share

Callie · 6 December 2020, 20:02 ·United States

Jimin causing drama time!

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 174

7 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 June 2023, 12:00 ·Australia

All over the place

Today, I run a business with my partner, and work at a separate business as an employee. My partner got Covid, so our business is closed for now. I got it from him, but still need to work at the other place because the only other employee flew to Turkey on holiday, and the owner has no idea how to run her own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 147

2 comments Share

gimme beer · 13 June 2023, 18:00

Sting

Today, when I went to the gas station to buy beer, some underage punk outside asked me to buy him booze. I told him to get bent, but the dumbass cashier had seen me talking to him, and refused to let me buy alcohol because, "This is obviously a sting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 157

2 comments Share