Today, my mom saw me holding a plant and told me to walk around with it, to replace all of the oxygen I waste. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was pulling up weeds on the terrace while wearing gardening gloves. Why is that worth mentioning? Because that's literally all she was wearing. FML
Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML
Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML
Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML
Today, after my neighbor asked me to water her plants while she was away, and I carefully followed her instructions for 6 days, she came home. She stared at the living room and asked why I'd watered the fake plants but forgotten the real ones on the balcony. FML
Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my roommate by cleaning the entire apartment while she was away. Three hours later, everything looked perfect. She came home, looked around, and immediately asked why her plant was missing. I had thrown it out because I thought it was dead. FML
Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to the flowering plant my passive-aggressive mother gave me for Christmas. I take two different antihistamines daily for my numerous allergies all year round, and my mother knows this is why I don't have house plants. She said, "You better not get rid of it!" I think she hates me. FML
Today, my mom walked me to school to make sure I don't cut class. I'm 20 years old. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
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Top comments
PawgPower 3
Daaaang. Your moms a savage.
RichardPencil 32
She's so stupid. You'd need to carry around a few trees before you could come close to offsetting the oxygen you waste.
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
She's so stupid. You'd need to carry around a few trees before you could come close to offsetting the oxygen you waste.
PawgPower 3
Daaaang. Your moms a savage.
Dee Dee 8
Well we are all contributing to global warming. We are all wasting oxygen. Very few of us contribute to the world in a meaningful way so tell your mom that she needs to go plant a few trees. And BTW way there is no way we are able to make up for the water we use.
RichardPencil 32
We are not net consumers of water. What's running low is fresh water. It's a matter of the extra energy required to make water safe to use.
Bubbilility 27
Dad jokes are bad (in a good way) but mom jokes are savage.
coius 23
Tell her she needs to keep her legs closed if she produces nothing but nitwits. Take her down with you!