Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML
The neighbor from Hell
Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Coercive freak
Today, my girlfriend hates my friends and I'm not allowed to talk or hang out with them. She keeps threatening my job. The only reason I'm still with her is because she will try and get me fired. She's crazy and so is the rest of her family. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Betrayed
Today, my girlfriend called me a "controlling, overbearing psychopath." What did I do? I found out her best friend is trying to persuade her to cheat on me and I demanded she cut her friend off. I'm better off single, I know, but it still hurts. FML
Sitcom dad
Today, my wife is convinced I don't love my daughter. Why? She got her first boyfriend recently, and I was friendly with the lad, instead of doing the stupid "overprotective dad" routine. Apparently, not feeling the need to act like a dumbass sitcom character means I secretly resent my family. FML
Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML
Trust
Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for two months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML
Top comments
PenguinBitch 44
Try to record her saying it.
rieebee 23
Talk to them about it.
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Comments (91)
rieebee 23
Talk to them about it.
adrian1910 15
This ain't no picnic.
xChaos 29
"Your daughter seems to enjoying the thought of stabbing me." Yeah not really
Regimental_Phan 18
get even!
cyna_g 18
You should be :/
PenguinBitch 44
Try to record her saying it.
Misscreant 7
Exactly. Even better, use a hidden camera and record it, multiple times if you can.
xleanne_aLly 23
Yessss do this! My 7 year old aunt constantly swore at me. Even tried to black mail me. She'd tell my mom I was swearing (when I wasn't). If I didn't give her an extra pop or something. So I used my cellphone to record her trying to manipulate me one time. Lol she never tried that again. Felt a little bad because after I played it back for her; she broke down in tears.
KingBobtheThird 16
7 year old aunt? How old is your mom?
meli1195 31
their grandmother could have been a teen mom and perhaps also the above commenters mom could have been a teen mom so it's possible to have a younger aunt if the grandma had kids later on.
kiaora_fml 11
It happens, my mum had her first of 5 kids at 20, last one at 44(me) my sister that she had at 20, became pregnant at 16 then at 17 (she was married) and the child she had at 17 had her first child at 16, I was made an aunty before I was born and a great aunt when I was 14, weird world but it happens, when I was in HS people thought 2 of my older sisters were my mother, which was funny. 7yr old aunt is entirely possible
xleanne_aLly 23
Hahaha oh man. My grandpa has 8 kids. All spaced out in ages. My grandpa is a big oll man ****. He's known in my town as a womanizer. He's in his 60s, but lived a healthy lifestyle so he looks 40. He currently has four girls in their 30s fighting over him. Every time I visit him he has a new woman.
laden_swallow09 35
Man **** Grampa I smell a sitcom in the making.
Sparx1_1 16
If you haven't told the mom what's going on then you deserve it OP. Rather than living in fear of her kid - and ruining your relationship in the process - you need to just be honest about what's going on. Your relationship is already going down the toilet because of this kid so you have nothing to lose. If you can't or won't talk to her about this, then you need to pack up and go now. Why? Because, if she's threatening to kill you and getting away with it ...... what is she already telling her mother about you and how long before she says you tried to molest her?
glimmer980 20
If you can talk to her mom about it , you should when she isn't around.
kindasortayeah 25
Welcome to the family!
llamafish 25
That's just how she shows affection.
whymeimsxy 10
Ouch. Literally.
dyehardxen 19
Literally: in a literal manner or sense; exactly. "the driver took it literally when asked to go straight across the traffic circle." Please use the English language properly.
barfcannon 24
Lighten up 33, the fluidity of language is what makes it beautiful, not to mention what makes it evolve.
verysmarmy 11
Um, that's the sense he used 'literally' in; 'ouch' can be used of a slightly uncomfortable event or of physical pain, as he's using it here. Admittedly, as the kid hasn't actually attacked him yet, the 'ouch' is preempting an event which mightn't happen, but nonetheless...
ktink_bell 2
.
Fall_Out_Boy_22 6
I would talk to her mom when the devil child is not there
tiredteenager 16
Is she the spawn of satan? Throw garlic at her and if she doesn't sneeze then she definitely is the spawn of satan!
prostar9993 15
Garlic doesn't make people sneeze.........
british_bad_luck 14
Does she also have a son called Damien?
tj4234 36
I find it sad how few thumbs up this has, does no one else get the reference?
Cely988 29
#23 care to explain the reference? xD
PleasantDino 22
The Omen.
dragonkisses28 25
I am sad that the reference has to be explained. Now I feel old. Thanks a lot. :'(
PleasantDino 22
I am 19 and none of my friends knew about this movie/book. I feel like the old person shaking their cane at a kid, calling them uncultured swines.
rickyricoco 12
whisper 'christo' if she shudders, you run. You run so far