Today, after not having coffee for ages, I finally remembered why I stopped drinking it. I literally just shit my pants, and I’m about to start a ten-hour day with 27 fifth graders. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML
Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML
Today, I used to think all those exhausted mom memes and jokes were just exaggerated bullshit. That was until I found myself struggling to stay awake during my morning poop and still drinking Red Bull on the toilet. The kids need to get ready for school, and I’m a straight up zombie. FML
Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML
Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML
Today, I had such an intense stomach ache I couldn’t even stand up. I ended up shitting my pants. I’m 13. FML
Today, while using the restroom at my favorite cafe, I fell asleep for 30 minutes. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons viciously breaking down the only barrier between between you and your shame. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Today, someone earned the nickname, Professor Poopypants. And you'll never live it down. It'll be a stain you cannot wash away.
RichardPencil 32
Given your name, I yield to your authority!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Today, someone earned the nickname, Professor Poopypants. And you'll never live it down. It'll be a stain you cannot wash away.
poopface82 25
Because you never get a second chance to undo a shitty first impression.
RichardPencil 32
Given your name, I yield to your authority!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
On the plus side, you won't forget next time.