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The all-time greatest FMLs

The stench

By Anonymous - 17/05/2022 14:00

Today, my mom is on vacation and I’m taking care of her pets. I also get to clean the entire house. No, she didn’t ask me to do that. It’s just that I had to hold my breath every time I opened the fridge, and there is no surface clean enough to actually touch, so I simply couldn’t help myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 165

Love is complicated

By Anonymous - 31/12/2021 17:01

Today, if I’m not at work, I’m spending my time racing back and forth between sheer relief that I’m no longer married to my ex-husband and that I’ve got my freedom and independence back, and bursting into tears because the slightest thing reminds me of him, and I miss the awful twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 274

Drag yourself out

By cuz803 - 10/10/2022 08:30

Today, I have a job test coming in two days. Today was also the perfect time for me to catch the flu. The flu affects me badly for a week, whereas this job test opportunity for a city job that pays well happens once every 10 years. I won't get this opportunity again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 127

Charming

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 05:00 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, my chunky boyfriend told me that he'd be less attracted to me if I gained weight. I have low self-esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 169

I know an old lady…

By Anonymous - 14/07/2022 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was prescribed medication to treat the headaches, caused by the medication to treat the lethargy, caused by the medication to treat my crippling nerve pain, without which I'd be stuck in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 104

It's all in the past

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 06:00 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me, years after it happened. I live with him and have been paying his rent, and have been completely oblivious of the fact all this time. Of course, it was also with the girl he told me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 186

Truth bomb

By toomuch2process - 06/12/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, I found out the truth about my and my siblings adoptions and why I have no contact with any extended family. Turns out our parents are half-siblings, who decided to adopt rather than risk any genetic anomalies. Their families didn’t approve of the relationship so they moved us far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 111

Boo! Get better material!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I recently met. He was quite funny throughout our meal, so I came home and told my flatmate all about him and the stories he'd told me. My flatmate said, "Hang on…", pulled out his laptop, and showed me some videos. All my date's jokes were stolen from Ricky Gervais. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 158

Home Improvement

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I heard what sounded like an explosion from the basement of my house. Turns out my foundation cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 62

Stunlocked

By RoyBoy - 26/07/2021 18:01

Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 626

Moving on

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 05:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I saw yet another dear friend from uni get married, living the good life in their new home. Here am I in my 30s, with no love life, and feeling like that's never going to be for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 274

Demon child

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 22:01

Today, people say grandchildren are a blessing, well not ours. Our grandson is only 6 but he’s the nastiest human I’ve ever encountered, and I legitimately think it would have been better if our daughter never had him. Unpopular opinion maybe, but spend one afternoon with him, I dare you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 247

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 18:00

Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 235

Don't dead open inside

By that’s not how this works! - 10/08/2021 08:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 79

Happy Birthday…

By Anonymous - 14/10/2021 11:00

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend’s birthday is a month before mine. I'd spent my birthday savings on his, but he told me that we couldn’t do anything for mine because, “I didn’t plan or organize better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 152

Make it work

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 05:01 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I got my hair cut short, as it hasn’t been cut in well over a year and I was getting sick of dealing with it. I told the hairdresser I would probably look like a boy but she said it would look cute, and that she’d make sure it looks feminine. I loved how it came out, until the kid at CVS asked, “Can I help you sir?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 321

Appeal to nature

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 16:00

Today, I dumped my boyfriend for cheating on me and he actually asked if we weren’t dating could we still have sex, as a FWB type of thing. I blame his mother, she must have done something to screw him up, there’s no way idiocy like his occurs naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 273

Under pressure

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 03:59

Today, I became aroused when slight pressure was applied to my throat. I was having an ultrasound done to have my thyroid gland and a lump under my chin looked at by an old male doctor. My mom was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 175

Mom's alone time is precious

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 06:00

Today, my daughter found out there was a vacant seat left in first class on our flight and damn if she didn’t pounce on the opportunity to get bumped up into it so fast, because she, “like, deserved a break.” She left me in economy class for a 10-hour flight with her 3 year old and 1 year-old with teething pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 247

Grumpy git

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 20:01

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I'm not doing real work because I laugh during online meetings. Sorry I'm not miserable all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 96

Dilbert principle

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 07:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, the only colleague I dislike was promoted to be my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 103

Sounds like a catch

By Theresa - 26/10/2020 13:55

Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 398

Seasick, yet still docked

By Anonymous - 18/01/2022 08:01 - United States - Kula

Today, my husband is "too busy" and refuses to even talk with me for more than two minutes, but has enough time to spend hour-long phone conversations with his buddies. If only I were not stuck with him and our second baby at home during a pandemic… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 228

No future

By Bryan - 15/06/2021 16:00

Today, the love of my life said, "You’d make a great husband! Whoever marries you in the future is gonna be so happy!" We’ve been together for 4 years and was planning to propose on her birthday in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 125

Customers from hell

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 06:01

Today, an older customer ran up to me and did a open-mouthed, panting growl in my face, with her face 2 inches from my mine. She then laughed and said, “I only do this to men” and then left the store without buying anything. My mask was down and she didn’t have one at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 284

This pandemic hit some of us harder than others

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 20:01

Today, I've had to accept that, despite my efforts to stay in touch with the few friends I made at college, I have zero friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 98

City slicker

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 22:00

Today, my new boyfriend is such a city boy he couldn’t handle one night of pretend camping in the garden. Apparently, it was too cold, he ran out of Diet Coke, and just generally got bored, so he went back inside to watch TV in bed, but sure, he wants to hike in the mountains with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 212

Baby baby

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I have been in the same massive argument for two weeks. We agreed when we were dating that we couldn’t think of anything worse than having kids, we married on the basis we would never want kids. Now, a year later, she wants a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 214

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 14/08/2021 16:00 - Turkey - Eskisehir

Today, I'd been talking to this girl for 3 months, and she finally agreed on a date. We got drinks and food, then she said, "I'm just going to the bathroom", then never came back, and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 154

Holiday cheer

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 14:02 - United States - Gwynn Oak

Today, I’m convinced my mother in law comes over every holiday just to make me miserable. She comes in, criticizes me food, snarks then ignores the kids. I dread every holiday and spend it getting drunk and casting F-you glances at my husband. Is it wrong to buy her a casket for the next holiday? Is it really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 178

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The Top

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 648

You deserved it 2 779

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 961

You deserved it 7 937

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 057

You deserved it 6 040

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 027

You deserved it 36 943

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 635

You deserved it 23 411

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 139