The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Looking4AnApartment · 16 February 2021, 21:30 ·Bellmore, United States

We're all in hell

Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052 You deserved it 166

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kikajsns · 29 April 2021, 07:59

His house, his rules?

Today, it’s been a week since my dad has decided I’m only allowed to sleep with my door open. Guess how long it’s been since I’ve slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052 You deserved it 133

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Unintended Victim · 8 December 2022, 02:00

Smash

Today, I was sitting next to my friend as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Some asshole got the bright idea to shove his face in the cake, but they missed and pushed me in instead. The candles were still lit. My hair caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052 You deserved it 109

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Anonymous · 31 October 2021, 11:00

Mysterious girl

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. It was our anniversary just 3 nights ago, and she said she was sorry for leading me on. She still hasn’t told me why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 24 January 2022, 07:59 ·Ebersbach, Germany

Bit nippy out

Today, my mom wants to save money on both heating and electricity. Put into practice, this means that the temperature in my room is about the same as that in our fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052 You deserved it 98

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Anonymous · 5 August 2023, 10:00

Cough up, daddy

Today, my son told me he and his ex deliberately got pregnant, despite being broken up, because she wanted a baby, he wanted sex, and she promised she wouldn’t ask him for child support. She must have had her fingers crossed because his court date is next week. Moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 281

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bananapie69 · 29 May 2020, 23:00

Serial podcaster

Today, during my staff Google Meet conference, I forgot to mute my mic when I joined and I was still listening to a true crime podcast. I started to notice people's confused looks and realized they were all hearing the details of the bodies found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 1 126

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Anonymous · 8 June 2022, 18:00 ·United States

No happiness for you

Today, my ex had a freakout because she found out I have a new girlfriend. She doesn't want me back or anything, she herself has a new boyfriend. Her issue is she just doesn't want to see me happy with someone else. Apparently, I'm supposed to just stop existing now that she's done with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 143

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das_shizzle · 1 October 2020, 08:02 ·Montesano, United States

Oh shit

Today, as I was getting ready to go to class, I accidentally stepped in dog poop. I was in a hurry, so I scraped it off as best as I could. When I go to class, I noticed it smelled. The girl behind me noticed and said, "Mmmmm, smells like food in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 132

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Anonymous · 8 April 2022, 02:00

Like spinning plates

Today, I became the senior receptionist at my job, which is supposed to have three receptionists. The others all had life changes, so they're moving on, which is fair, but now I have to train new people. I've been here three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 112

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Anonymous · 11 August 2021, 02:01

Where'd you go?

Today, I'm being ghosted by someone who said they wanted to meet up, but never texted me. She could've just said she wasn't interested, but instead we made plans. She kept writing back, saying how excited she was to meet me, and then I never heard from her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 94

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inbogota · 6 March 2021, 21:30 ·Colombia 🌶️ Spicy

Inactive

Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 187

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Jonathan lemon · 22 October 2021, 20:00

Charlie

Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 8 June 2022, 02:00

Mrs Nostradamus

Today, my mum met my amazing new girlfriend, but later said she'd probably cheat on me. She had correctly foreseen my ex would get pregnant against my will, take the child away, and sue for support, which I didn't believe back then. What should I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 211

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Anonymous · 18 March 2022, 16:00

Cranberry juice might help

Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 138

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ugh1234 · 21 June 2021, 02:01

Do as you're told

Today, I was demoted at work to a much harder and more time-consuming position because, I quote, "You have more experience." My boss is now telling the others I volunteered to be moved to the lower position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 86

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Lice FML · 25 June 2021, 06:01 ·United States

Scratchy

Today, my kids and I discovered the party hats from the party we just went to were infested with lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 105

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Anonymous · 17 February 2022, 14:00

Bad boss

Today, despite warning my boss that it’s dangerous and stupid, he still insisted I get on with putting up a 4-storey tall scaffolding in high winds, and when it blew over, he blamed me for not putting it together correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 105

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Pfnüselfüsel · 20 July 2023, 18:00

Listen up

Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 123

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SomeGuy · 27 December 2022, 21:00 ·Moscow, Russian Federation

Thoughts and prayers, dude

Today, I noticed how fucked up I am generally. When as I was at school, everyone thought I would be a scientist at some prestigious institute somewhere, but now I'm actually homeless in Moscow, I live off shoplifting, sleeping at Burger King Restaurants, on buses, and in parks. I never do drugs or drink. This sucks! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 301

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Anonymous · 17 May 2022, 14:00

The stench

Today, my mom is on vacation and I’m taking care of her pets. I also get to clean the entire house. No, she didn’t ask me to do that. It’s just that I had to hold my breath every time I opened the fridge, and there is no surface clean enough to actually touch, so I simply couldn’t help myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 166

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Anonymous · 5 November 2022, 18:00

Drunk and stupid

Today, I drove 10 hours on a broken foot to get away, because my drunk dad decided to shove me to the ground multiple times, and now I have to get fusion surgery on my foot. I also found out he’s trying to get me arrested for burglary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 142

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climbing the walls · 1 October 2020, 02:02 ·United States

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Today, it’s been nearly six months since our state has been on lockdown. My boyfriend the introvert has never been happier. Meanwhile, I, the extrovert, have been bored to literal tears from the lack of human interactions and travel. There’s only so much Netflix and reading I can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 488

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Anonymous · 21 February 2023, 10:00 ·India

Demanding

Today, I went out to buy my wife some flowers and a chocolate bar that I overhead she liked the other day. On the way home, I was complimented on the bouquet I chose and feeling pretty good about myself. When I got home it turned out I got the wrong kind of flowers and the wrong percent of dark chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050 You deserved it 143

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When it rains it pours · 12 June 2022, 18:00

Take them back to the shop

Today, after a night of back pain, fatigue, and wrestling with my crying, screaming son, who couldn’t sleep, I woke up to find my laptop wouldn’t power on because my daughter spilled ice cream on it. I need my laptop for my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050 You deserved it 168

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Anonymous · 21 October 2020, 14:02

Forever the bridesmaid

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050 You deserved it 238

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Anonymous · 28 June 2021, 17:59

Frenemies 2

Today, my old frenemy told me she married my college boyfriend who made a fortune during the early days of Bitcoin. They have no kids, a massive house, retired when they were 45, and are moving to their retirement villa in Hawaii. I'm divorced and on benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050 You deserved it 238

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Brandenn J Moore · 11 July 2021, 04:01

Flip-flopping

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been living with for the last month, told me she's not attracted to me and wants to see other people. She told me this after months of dating and telling me she was thinking about having a child with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050 You deserved it 100

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Anonymous · 21 October 2021, 11:00

There goes the neighborhood…

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 10 May 2021, 01:59 ·Pittsburgh, United States

Just a prank, bro

Today, my kids found out how to control my Google alarm clock with their phones. While I was gone, they set it to play screamo metal at max volume, then paused it. Sometime after midnight, as I was sleeping, they pressed play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050 You deserved it 230

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