Today, I went on a first date with a guy I recently met. He was quite funny throughout our meal, so I came home and told my flatmate all about him and the stories he'd told me. My flatmate said, "Hang on…", pulled out his laptop, and showed me some videos. All my date's jokes were stolen from Ricky Gervais. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I was on a first date and wanted to tell my date a joke. I started laughing halfway through telling it because I found it hilarious. She didn’t laugh. Turns out, I completely forgot the punchline and just sat there cackling like a lunatic. Now I’m getting ghosted. FML
Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy from a dating app. He'd set the date and told me where to meet him. We met at a coffee shop, and he was an absolute gentleman. Five minutes after the date, I went to message him that I'd enjoyed myself, only to find he'd blocked me on the app. FML
Today, I went on an online date. I'd spent a while getting ready and making sure I looked good. When I arrived at the café, I saw my date and approached with a smile. He stood up, looked me over, and said, "Oh, I thought you were your profile picture’s friend." Then left. FML
Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
"I remember once, when I was walking by a school, this little redhead kid saw me and called me a 'pedo'. I turned to him and said 'I'm not a pedo, but if I was you'd be safe, you tubby little ginger ****." Hilarious, but needs to give credit where credit's due. Thanks Ricky, you ****.
benjamn 24
So not only was he funny he has good taste in comedians. He's a keeper!
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Comments (5)
Rake 18
How sweet, a bit insecure but sweet.
kitten79TX 5
So? He told you funny jokes. unless he claimed he made them up, I dint see the problem.
BurnInDemonFire 39
"I remember once, when I was walking by a school, this little redhead kid saw me and called me a 'pedo'. I turned to him and said 'I'm not a pedo, but if I was you'd be safe, you tubby little ginger ****." Hilarious, but needs to give credit where credit's due. Thanks Ricky, you ****.
benjamn 24
So not only was he funny he has good taste in comedians. He's a keeper!