The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

Boom, headshot

By oof - 09/07/2020 23:01

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 1 846

What's worse?

By Ben - 21/10/2023 07:30

Today, after I'd saved up and frontloaded working hours for two weeks to ensure I'd have time and funds to go to a local show on my birthday, I received a call letting me know my father had a heart attack and was dying. He did pass away, at around 5AM on the morning of my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 117

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Spicy

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 183

American cuisine

By Nill - 31/07/2023 03:00

Today, my girlfriend was cooking dinner. To my horror, she took the chicken out and immediately began scrubbing it with dish soap. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she stared at me like I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 124

Not now, mother!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 10:00 - United States - Sayville

Spicy

Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 214

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 13:59

Today, after I went to live with my biological mom, after she convinced me she’s been off drugs while I was living with my grandparents, she gave me one of two puppies she'd bought as a gift. Then she got arrested. Turns out she stole said puppy. Some things never change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 100

Everybody hurts

By NoNovocaine - 20/11/2021 16:59 - Canada - Barrie

Today, while getting a dental filling, the fire alarm sounded. The plaza was evacuated and we had to stand outside in the cold for 2 hours. The anesthetic wore off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 64

Daddy! No!

By Brokemommy - 15/03/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I have to figure out how to explain to my 6 year-old daughter when she gets home from school that she won’t be having a birthday party anymore, because she caught daddy having it off with the babysitter, and now we have nowhere to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 346

The King

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 02:00

Today, I recently had open heart surgery and I'm prohibited from pushing, pulling, or lifting anything. My wife goes ahead of me to open doors, carry things from the store, and open my car door. Yes, I do get many mean, judgmental glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 118

Stuck in the middle with you

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 00:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. The kicker is, I'm 5 months pregnant and didn't even know it - no symptoms, nothing. I thought it was weight gain due to antidepressants and I'm also dealing with financial issues. I'm too far along to get an abortion, and adoption is not an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 462

Some things aren't obvious

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 04:00

Today, my now ex-girlfriend accused me of wasting a year of her life when I told her I seriously don’t want kids. We’ve never discussed kids until today, but I’ve always known I never wanted them. Apparently she does want them, so she considers our whole relationship as a waste of a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 1 088

Tricked

By Dannnn - 10/06/2021 10:59

Today, I met a super gorgeous girl at the bar. We laughed together over drinks and it was all perfect, until she told me she wasn’t from this town. We hugged goodbye and she left. When I went to pay our tab, I realized I’d been pickpocketed by her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 213

That's not how quarantine works

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 20:00

Today, I sat down in a hair salon. The guy getting his hair cut before me then told the girl doing the cutting that he's on a 2-week quarantine and he's not sure whether or not he's got Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 130

Great job, dude

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 05:01 - Australia

Today, after my boyfriend of three years and I had our first child together last year and he was so hands on, now when I ask him to help with the baby he tells me I’m the primary carer, and that he’s not ready to be a dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 222

Bankrolled

By Anon - 02/01/2023 12:00

Today, it's the last day of my girlfriend's "dream vacation", which I broke the bank paying for. She's spent almost the entire week laying in bed, listlessly playing Pokémon. She won't even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 227

Not worth my time

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, my dad has gone to two different relatives’ weddings in two different states this month alone. I also found out about his big birthday celebration, his BBQ and his trip to Vegas. I saw it all on Facebook. I’ve not been invited to anything, and he never visits me. I live an hour away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 161

But… What about my Cranberry sauce?

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 17:01

Today, I found out my family's Thanksgiving was canceled. Why? Because my mom doesn't want to cheat on her diet, so we aren't having it at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 158

Don't hate the player…

By Anonymous - 29/03/2023 14:00

Today, my son is such an idiot that he forgot he invited both his girlfriends to my brother's funeral. They started a punch-up over him and everyone ended up joining in since we're a very argumentative family. People got arrested and in the end both girls agreed to share my son, who was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 288

420 blaze it!

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 04:01

Today, according to my boss, he could cancel out the chill effect of pot brownies by mixing Red Bull into coffee. Somehow, I think his wastedness was still noticeable, since he fell asleep at an important meeting and our main investor pulled out, putting most of our jobs at risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 96

Halloween (slight return)

By fuck you and that stupid mutt - 02/11/2021 08:00

Today, I was outside carving pumpkins with my kids in the grass in my apartments. This rabid Karen starting screaming about the mess we were making. First of all, we were putting the pulp in a bag; second, she lets her dog bark all night and never cleans up it’s shit whenever it goes on our property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 103

Monday blues

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 11:02

Today, I asked my boss if I could take a vacation day for my birthday on Monday. She called to tell me yes, and then told me I'm getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 89

Bad diet

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 17:01 - United States - Verona

Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 142

It's my own cheating heart that makes me cry

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 22:00

Today, I found out my mom is still cheating on my dad with her ex boyfriend from her teenage years. She was caught last year, but apparently it's still going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 132

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 06:01 - United States - Steele

Today, after asking my family to quiet down at a restaurant, my mom told me to go outside. In 100+ degree weather. So I did, and after what seemed like an hour, my family ran out screaming because they thought I'd been kidnapped. I nearly got heatstroke to show my family that sensory overload is real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 316

Catch 22

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 110

Sounds fishy

By Liisaz34 - 18/04/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend is spending a lot of time hyping up his female best friend who is participating in a modeling competition, trying to get her to win. When I asked this guy to help support my small business, he said he, “didn’t have time” to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 176

Wake up

By Anonymous - 10/06/2022 02:00

Today, and for the last 6 months, a coworker of mine is sleeping on the job and we're the first faces the public sees. Multiple coworkers and I have submitted complaints, videos, and interviews regarding this, and still nothing is happening. My supervisor came and saw what was happening and yet still nothing. A lot of extra work is on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 150

Gaslighting 101

By josie - 10/11/2021 08:00

Today, I realized that no one at work actually tells me when there’s a rule change, they just punish me and then try to gaslight me into believing it’s always been a rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 101

Danger to the public

By lordoftheweird - 07/06/2022 16:00 - Canada - Ladysmith

Today, my care home has an employee who so far has ran into traffic, framed a disabled girl, nearly killed two people, and begged me to help her break sex trafficking laws. They refuse to fire her because she has a learning disability and are terrified that she'll sue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 114

Last Week Tonight

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I realised I had a bad month. Last week, I threw out my back; the week before, my girlfriend got a cold sore; this week, I got chickenpox at the ripe age of 31 years. When I went to bed last night, I found my girlfriend sound asleep with her vibrator in one hand. We haven't had sex for so long, I can't even blame her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 267

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Insects Painful Friends Pranks Garden Technology Geek Weird Animals Cute Miscellaneous Birthday Awkward Cake Scary Birds Drunk Embarrassing Roommate Clumsy Mysterious Clothes Work Cats Smartphone Transportation Poopoo peepee Neighbours Kids

The Top

The Top

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 745

You deserved it 40 775

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 16 692

Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 1 047

Today, I was constipated and strained so hard that I threw up into my pants and all over my shoes. I was at work, and no, I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 185

Today, my husband had heart attack symptoms on the way to his family event. We stopped, called an ambulance, and he was taken off to hospital. I called his family to update them. They still expected us to turn up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 107

Today, after working for 7 hours straight, I sat down for a second to wait for an elevator. My manager told me I wasn't allowed to sit and that I had to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 108