Today, my son is such an idiot that he forgot he invited both his girlfriends to my brother's funeral. They started a punch-up over him and everyone ended up joining in since we're a very argumentative family. People got arrested and in the end both girls agreed to share my son, who was unconscious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML
Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML
Today, my sons are such idiots that they had a blazing punch-up that put both of them in hospital, all because one of them stole the last cigarette from a packet. Never mind they both have their own cigarettes, but for some reason the theft of this one cigarette was the last straw that lead to a punch up. FML
Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
Today, I prevented my brother from attending our sister's funeral, since they hated each other and she didn't want him there, in accordance with her wishes. Now the whole family hates me and say that I should have let him in and that sometimes, you have to go against someone's wishes. FML
Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML
Today, I reluctantly agreed to bring my boyfriend home to meet my family. He said he wasn’t easily scared and could handle a “weird” family. Two hours later, there was a massive brawl when one uncle hit the other’s wife after she threw wine in his face. Tables were flipped, cops were called. Shit. FML
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Top comments
Brightside86 31
Dude has some serious game. So many people on here getting dumped for stuff that happened in dreams. This guy cheats, gets caught and manages to keep both, while not even being conscious. Teach me your ways!
brownsugarxo 15
this is the best thing ive read all week
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Comments (6)
brownsugarxo 15
this is the best thing ive read all week
Charlie Given 28
LMFAO 🤣 agreed I spit my tea out reading this 😂🤦♂️
Brightside86 31
Dude has some serious game. So many people on here getting dumped for stuff that happened in dreams. This guy cheats, gets caught and manages to keep both, while not even being conscious. Teach me your ways!
SirEnigM0nk 22
I think Richard Pencil would approve of this.
Iamthebanzai22 21
That's easy. Just date skanky chicks, the type who's standards are so low that they will have a fistfight at a funeral over a cheating asshole.
JackWood 21
Sounds like a win-win for everyone.
Chazzster 32
Reminds me of the story my cousin told me about the funeral of his (then) wife’s grandfather. Short version - Grandad had been having a long term affair that his wife was apparently unaware of but many within the family knew about. Unfortunately granddad’s lover had the same name as one of his grandchildren who had sent flowers with her name on the card. This led to efforts to hide the flowers by those trying to hide granddad’s affair while the immediate family of the granddaughter didn’t know about that and they kept moving the flowers up closer. Eventually the police were called and there were arrests made at the funeral… I cannot understand why women would fight each other over some two-timing guy. The only thing I know is that for some people, the more someone says they can’t have someone or something, the more they want it.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Because public punch-ups are how people show how classy they are.