Today, I realised I had a bad month. Last week, I threw out my back; the week before, my girlfriend got a cold sore; this week, I got chickenpox at the ripe age of 31 years. When I went to bed last night, I found my girlfriend sound asleep with her vibrator in one hand. We haven't had sex for so long, I can't even blame her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML
Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML
Today, I fell, cut my hand, and needed four stitches. Yesterday, I caught a cold. Two days before that, my girlfriend broke up with me. No rest for the wicked, I guess. FML
Today, it's been a troubled day. Me and my girlfriend got into it because she believes that I stepped out on her, which I didn’t. I haven’t had sex in over 15 years. I'd gotten an STI from a ex, and had no idea that I had anything, so now I’m "nasty" according to her. FML
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months because we live in different countries, is coming to stay with me. I've been the picture of health for months, but today I woke up with my period, a terrible cold, and tooth pain from that root canal my dentist told me I didn't need a few years ago. FML
Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML
Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML
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Top comments
tiptoppc 21
Seconded. It’s really dangerous as an adult. Surprised you didn’t get a vaccine. I was born before chickenpox vaccinations, so had it as a child but my brother got shingles at 39 years of age. See a doctor. It can kill you!
SirEnigM0nk 22
Chickenpox as an adult can be quite serious. I would urge you to see a doctor ASAP.
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Comments (2)
RichardPencil 32
Cold sore? Chickenpox? C'mon! We all know it's herpes and monkeypox. You two are sketchy enough for each other.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Chickenpox as an adult can be quite serious. I would urge you to see a doctor ASAP.
tiptoppc 21
Seconded. It’s really dangerous as an adult. Surprised you didn’t get a vaccine. I was born before chickenpox vaccinations, so had it as a child but my brother got shingles at 39 years of age. See a doctor. It can kill you!