Today, my ex and the woman he cheated on me with are celebrating their 7th wedding anniversary and have 3 children, while I’m still childless, getting heartbroken, ghosted and depreciated by men. Nice to know the cheaters get the happily ever after and I don’t. FML
Today, I spent my entire shift fantasizing about being in a car wreck and getting hospitalized, just so my mother would show me any love whatsoever. FML
Today, after finally moving in with my boyfriend of 3 years, he introduced me to his fetish. Wearing his underwear for 5 days straight, then wearing them as a hat on the weekends. FML
Today, I’ve always tried to be understanding that my girlfriend grew up very poor and is therefore extremely frugal. However, I finally had to draw the line when she flipped out on me for throwing out her respooled used dental floss and buying another. It was 98 cents for a new one. FML
Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML
Today, I'd arranged a family reunion to see family I hadn't seen in years. Out of about 20 people, only 3 said they would come. One messaged to cancel the night before. The other two no-showed. FML
Today, it's gotten to the point where I can't afford my ADD medication anymore. Now, I'm literally too poor to pay attention. FML
Today, I'm realizing the woman I've been in love with for 8 years has become completely disinterested in me. I can't even connect on a basic, "How was your day?" level without her her zoning out or getting lost in her phone, only to apologize when I say something and then not even ask what I had to say. We have 2 kids now. FML
Today, I have Covid and am stuck in isolation with my sister. I have been staying in my room to avoid spreading it, but my sister just yelled at me because I "looked at a bird outside" and might have "given the bird Covid from the mucus in my eyes." She picked this theory up from a stranger on Minecraft. FML
Today, four months into a deep depression, I now have a new involuntary reaction to being sad and angry. I constantly have an erection when I'm feeling really down or pissed off, even when I cry. FML
Today, I went to go to an aerobics class. Shen the instructor walked in, she went up to me and told me it was a women only class. I am a woman. FML
Today, my wife told me to stop talking about my depression, in case the neighbours hear and think she’s a bad wife for not being able to keep me happy. FML
Today, my dad found out that there are others like him in this world. They're called furries. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack while walking home with my friends. As I was struggling to breathe, they thought I was attention-seeking and left me on the floor. FML
Today, my 46 year-old brother-in-law came to visit. He is uniquely gifted. His talent? Behaving like a teenager and sexualising everything. Even my lip blister. FML
Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML
Today, my boyfriend saw me without make-up for the first time we've been dating for two years. He freaked because he didn't know who I was. FML
Today, I got screamed at by my mom for about 10 minutes because she claims I’m ruining my diet by drinking sparkling water, claiming it’s “soda”. I had to explain that it has zero sugar, calories, etc. She told me that it’s “the same fucking shit.” And to not trust “the government food labels.” Huh? FML
Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML
Today, my daughter lightly bumped her hand on a wall, cried and screamed for 5 minutes, vomited, then passed out. She’s 19. FML
Today, my mom stumbled into my house, drunk and half naked, while I was in a Zoom meeting. My client said he no longer had an interest working with someone with such a disreputable home life, and offered to pray for our salvation before ending the call. My boss is going to eviscerate me. FML
Today, I found out my platonic office wife and I are both in sexless relationships. The week just gets more and more repressed. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, on my birthday night, my husband decided to book a trip for himself to go on a solo trip, leaving me with the kids. Instead of hanging out with us and celebrating, he's yelling at our son to leave him alone so he can finish booking the airfare and car rental. Great birthday. FML
Today, my son and daughter-in-law are both going to jail for the same crime. I’m recently retired but I’m now stuck raising their bratty 15 year-old and their new baby, who’s less than a year old. I’m nearly 70 years-old, I can’t do this shit anymore. I certainly can’t afford it on a pension. FML
Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML
Today, thanks to the hormone treatments for my cancer, I have gained so much weight I am now officially the punchline for “How does a fat man find his penis? With a mirror on a stick and an erection.” FML
Today, my mom messaged me and was acting weird, we don't have a real relationship. Turns out, she wanted to tell me to stop posting selfies because "it's making her feel bad about her appearance." The worst part? She said, "My husband likes you more than me sexually." That's your big concern? FML
Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML
Today, I flushed the toilet while my boyfriend was showering. He responded by throwing a huge fit, saying how if he “gets a cold” from being “forced” to shower in cold water, I’m gonna “have to stay home and take care of him until he’s better.” FML
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