Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, as I hadn’t showered yet, I told my boyfriend not to go down on me in case it smelled "down there." We started kissing instead, but he made a "blech" face, then went down on me anyway. Apparently my morning breath was worse than unwashed crotch. FML
Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when I asked him to go brush his teeth, since his breath stank. He went back to playing video games. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend came in to kiss me. Being sweaty and nasty, I said, "Not now, I'm hot and sweaty." He looked at me blankly and said, "So am I, just smell my ball sweat." FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
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Top comments
Jackey 29
Props to the bf for going with "no means no."
bloopaloop 27
You’re really bad at foreplay.
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Comments (13)
bloopaloop 27
You’re really bad at foreplay.
RichardPencil 32
And the stars have lined up for a blumpkin.
Jackey 29
Props to the bf for going with "no means no."
BostonObsessed 10
Agreed. At least he understands consent since she doesn’t seem to.
ojosRojos 28
I don’t think you know what the word “sexy” means.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
can't exactly blame guys for not understanding about consent when women do this.
thisisbutaname 38
TBH, pushing my hands away would be a pretty clear sign to stop and ask if you want to stop.
kenken5 16
It can be fun foreplay if done right. Like to tell your boyfriend “no touching” while you kiss and touch him and knocking his hands away if he tries. The most important thing is to preface that it’s a game
bobsanction 18
So.... you're upset he didn't force himself on you?
Xatraris 38
No means no. I've expressed to my current gf how many times I've been pushed away by ex girlfriends in the same manner will make me stop completely. So stop pushing him away if you really want him or you will push him away for good.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Dear ladies, please leave this nonsense to those wussy sub bastards. If you want sex, stop messing around, or we'll get fed up, and walk away. It's an instant mood killer, and if we think we're not getting any, we're gonna go vent our frustration on our video games.
BostonObsessed 10
How on earth is pushing someone off you sexy? That’s like thinking telling someone “no I don’t want to have sex” is a good way to seduce them.