Today, I found out my platonic office wife and I are both in sexless relationships. The week just gets more and more repressed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, during the party for my last day at my old job, my office wife professed her love for me. We’re both married, we have no chemistry, and I’ve been dumping my work on her for three years. FML
Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML
Today, I realised my wife has been slowly phasing out most elements of our previously active and inventive sex life. These days, it's missionary once a month or she tells me to whack one off by myself in the bathroom. When did we get so boring? FML
Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML
Today, according to my wife, our life together is perfect. The only problem is that I no longer turn her on, haven’t for a while, so she wants my permission to have meaningless one-night stands with strangers on Tinder while carrying on with our perfect, sexless married life together. FML
Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML
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Top comments
Fred Eze 14
Sounds like you’re looking for a go ahead to cheat on your SO. Communicate your repression with your SO and hopefully things look up for you after that.
Lucky O'Guin 18
Maybe talk to your spouse instead of looking for approval for your emotional affair.
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
Why don't you two incels become "**** buddies?" Problem solved. You're welcome.
Fred Eze 14
Sounds like you’re looking for a go ahead to cheat on your SO. Communicate your repression with your SO and hopefully things look up for you after that.
Plop 17
What exactly is an office wife? That seems to be a thing. Where can I get one? Preferably non-platonic.
RichardPencil 32
It's your girlfriend at your workplace. Since a lot of people spend more waking hours at work than anywhere else, it's likely you'll develop a closer bond with her than your actual wife. But, beware, they say "Don't shit where you eat" and "Don't dip your pen in the company ink." I'm not sure what those mean, and who in the hell is "they?"
Plop 17
Probably the Deep State! That being said, considering my line of work it's probably not the best idea to have an office wife.
RichardPencil 32
Roger that. I can only imagine what you do. My guess is "hit-man." It wouldn't be smart to start an affair with a woman who knows 100 ways to kill a man.
Plop 17
You kidding? Femme fatales are the bomb (which they plant under your bed just before they leave in the morning).
Lucky O'Guin 18
Maybe talk to your spouse instead of looking for approval for your emotional affair.
CraftingQueen8675309 3
This is not an excuse to cheat. If you are unhappy with the lack of intimacy in your relationship talk to your partner and your friend at work should do the same. Just because you are feeling sexually repressed doesn't mean it's OK to cheat, it means you need to speak with your partner or leave the relationship.