The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

Bye bye baby

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 14:00

Today, it's been a week since my mom left me at my auntie's, she just called to tell me she took a job abroad. I think I’m an abandoned orphan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 94

Sometimes, family shouldn't stick together

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 07:59

Spicy

Today, I learned that my family only came to the state I live in because my great grandfather was caught molesting his own children. He was never convicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 72

Late stage capitalism

By Anonymous - 11/12/2022 15:00

Today, I got laid off. I spent the last two months planning a conference for my company. They fired me the day before the conference. I skipped my ex-boyfriend's funeral to be at the first day of this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 218

Welcome to the machine

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 20:01

Today, I was laid off on the day I was about to put in an offer on a house. This company promised me the world, and I broke myself working to prove my worth. Turns out, I wasn't getting paid for the lunches and breaks I didn't take either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 190

Get out

By Let Me go - 27/08/2022 02:00

Today, my husband needs the money from my job, but will in no way support me to work. He NEVER cooks, cleans, or picks up after himself. I've got no place to work, except a nook by the bathroom, and I have to manage my toddler, who always poops only when I'm in a meeting, and cries for me. Quitting my job is "out the question." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 247

All grown up

By Anonymous - 22/07/2022 00:00

Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 258

The blame game

By stupid child - 24/03/2023 10:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend to stop her preschooler from playing in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner. She bitched about how I'm "controlling and micromanaging". As she did so, he put his hands on the hot oven and screamed in pain. She then shrieked that it was my fault he hurt himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 630

Don't go to Sunn O))) concerts, kids

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 18:01 - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, my doctor told me that the intense, non stop ringing in my ears, which started suddenly at the beginning of the year, has no cure, no treatment options, and I just need to learn to live with it. I have severe auditory sensory issues, and have barely been getting by. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 127

Main attraction

By kcountry92 - 02/10/2021 05:01 - United States - Archie

Today, my mother thought it would be a wonderful idea to make me late for me own wedding. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't focused solely on my sister because my wedding didn't center on her. The sister in question snubbed being my maid of honor over a year ago, and just decided to randomly show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 91

Downhill from here

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 05:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I'm in a relationship in which the sex was great and constant at the beginning. Now it’s so quick, bad and inconsistent, it’s like going at it with a virgin who doesn’t even know how the clit works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 1 005

Entitled

By WeClosed2MinsAgo - 08/12/2022 14:00

Today, I got fired. There was a customer last night who showed up two minutes after our closing time, 11 p.m.. She knocked on the door many times, but I ignored her and kept sweeping the floor. She eventually left. Turns out she’s the VP’s daughter and told him I was “rude and inconsiderate” to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 225

Compassionate man

By bnaz - 30/10/2020 17:01

Today, my father told me I'm a lazy, pathetic waste. I work and have a one-year-old. Apparently, if you're trying to catch up on sleep, you're lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 97

Don't do it

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 16:00

Today, my wife has been trying to talk our daughter out of getting married, because it would be throwing her life away when she’s so young, and it would make her miserable in the long run. It’s getting a little hard not to take it personally since we’ve been married for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 196

Mind of my own

By Bahi - 25/07/2022 10:00

Today, despite the fact that I'm 20 years-old, my parents never allow me to go out and have fun with my friends, under the pretext that I'm a girl. I'm stuck at house all year long, I only go out to the college they forced me to study at, and they decide everything about me. I’m tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 264

Have some patience

By Anonymous - 07/07/2022 18:00 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, waiting times in our emergency department were so long that a patient who'd initially presented with just a sprained ankle eventually presented with a sprained ankle and a request to test for STDs because he went to see a prostitute instead of waiting, and his condom broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 251

Fancy seeing you here

By mustanggt - 15/04/2022 04:00 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I met my girlfriend's husband for the first time. It went surprisingly well, despite neither of us knowing the other existed before tonight, but it's still a miserable situation no matter what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 131

Teenagers…

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 10:00

Today, my 17 year-old is pregnant and I was fit to be furious, until my wife steamrollered over me to get to her, hugging her, and crying and how we’ll all raise it together as a big family. We can’t afford another baby. The daddy better be paying us something, or I’m gone kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 264

Family issues

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 14:01 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, I found out from my ex-stepmother that my dad and lied about having cancer to cover up the fact that he was losing weight from doing drugs again. He lied about it for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 111

Legit

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 10:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I tried convincing my friend that his casual long-distance girlfriend, who won't meet him and never video/voice chats, is in all probability a guy catfishing him. He refuses to listen to me because her Facebook profile looks "legit". She only has one profile picture and her friends list is full of bots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 139

Soon…

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, my 16 year-old nephew gave me advice on how to get laid. At age 30, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 331

Unlucky in love

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 16:00 - United States - Martinsburg

Today, it was supposed to be my first date with a girl I've been speaking to for three months. Last night, she revealed that she's still married, that her husband is "not so bad", and then confessed it all to him and blocked me. It was gonna be my first date in six years, after the last one stalked me across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 166

Bureaucracy sucks

By Anonymous - 12/12/2021 01:57

Today, I got let go from work all because my work permit expired. I’ve been in the process of renewal with USCIS for over 10 months now, but things are delayed due to COVID. I showed them the notice of renewal, they said it wasn’t enough, “Rules are rules.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 128

Welcome to Glasgow!

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 02:00

Today, we arrived in Scotland for our holiday, specifically because we were told it’s one of the friendliest places in the UK. First I was mugged, then my car was broken into and my laptop stolen, then we tried to at least go out for dinner and a drunk told us to, "Fuck off back to 'Curry Country'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 201

OK, well, goodbye

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 14:02

Today I ordered an anchovy pizza without the mushroom. Instead, I got a mushroom pizza without the anchovy. Then, when I went to take it back, the store had closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 219

Hair code

By MoreThanABadHairDay - 25/03/2023 04:00

Today, my little sister used scissors she got from school to cut my hair in the middle of the night while I was asleep. Now it looks like someone went at my hair with a chainsaw, and my school's dress code doesn't allow me to wear a hat or anything else to cover it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 103

Romance is dead

By xlees - 18/08/2021 16:01 - New Zealand

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went back to Germany. He lovingly said to me, "I will never find another girl like you. Unless I rip off her leg and tear out her eye." I’m an amputee, and was born with a blind eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 770

Wait til he hears about Jesus

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 22:00

Today, my daughter's new boyfriend must be clinically insane, as he accused me of being a secret Russian supporter because my name is Joseph, which is also the first name of Joseph Stalin. He was completely serious and refuses to be around me in case I’m memorising his pro-Ukraine talk FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 94

Little brat

By Anonymous - 21/03/2022 18:00

Today, I learned that being kicked in the vagina by your brat brother not only makes you vomit from the pain, it also makes you get a period an hour later so unbelievably more painful than usual, you're forced to use the real good painkillers left over from your dad's spine surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 147

Language barrier

By Jan - 02/08/2021 13:01

Today, my mother who learned English as an adult sent an email to my boss, thanking them for hiring me even though I'm "retarded." I’m a law school graduate who was diagnosed with a minor learning disability in kindergarten, but she still calls me "retarded" when speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 118

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Insects Painful Friends Pranks Garden Technology Geek Weird Animals Cute Miscellaneous Birthday Awkward Cake Scary Birds Drunk Embarrassing Roommate Clumsy Mysterious Clothes Work Cats Smartphone Transportation Poopoo peepee Neighbours Noise

The Top

The Top

Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 974

You deserved it 33 469

Today, behind a cabinet, I found a scratch-off lottery ticket I hadn't scratched yet. After scratching it off, I realized it's a $2,500 winner. The lottery commission won't accept it because they stopped using that game 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 496

You deserved it 13 601

Today, I told my girlfriend of eight months that if she didn't start taking my band's music seriously, we couldn't see each other anymore. She said fine, and I hugged her, but then she stood up and said, 'I hope we can still be friends,' and walked out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 084

You deserved it 72 118

Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 793

Today, I think all those jokes my wife made about becoming an alcoholic during quarantine may be true. She came back from the weekly shopping today with 7 bottles of wine, a bottle of tequila and a 30-pack of beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 274

Today, while trying to spice up our marriage, we decided to get a hotel room and roleplay as strangers who meet in a bar and have a one night stand. By the time I got there, he was engrossed in the football and on the beer. He didn't notice me arrive and when he did, he was too drunk to get the roleplay right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 316