The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

Antidate

By Inpain - 08/07/2023 10:00

Today, I was having the worst period cramps you could ever imagine. I cancelled the date I had with my "boyfriend." He replied, “Isn’t there some medicine you can take to make it go away?” When I told him I did and still had them, he said, “Fine, lose my number, I’ll find a girl who doesn’t have that shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 151

Suspicious Minds

By PaulaP - 09/07/2021 07:59

Today, my husband wants to go on a trip to Tulum with his friend. I suggested I go as well, but he refused because it’s a "friends trip." He assures me that he "won’t sleep in the same bed with her or anything." I had to explain why it was still inappropriate. He still doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 246

No means no

By thanks for the support - 25/05/2023 10:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband has been trying to get me to do something sexual that I’m absolutely 100% against. It’s gotten to the point where we fight and argue about it. I was talking to my sister when my mom overheard. She looked me in the eye and said, “What you won’t do, another woman will.” Thanks, ma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 653

Welcome to the machine

By Ihatecorporatebs - 10/09/2022 14:00

Today, I found out that just because your shift ends at 6 p.m. doesn’t mean you can leave at 6 p.m. on the dot. You might get written up by your boss when he wants to discuss some projects and needs 5 minutes of your time, and you decline. Apparently, having boundaries is classed as “insubordination.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 326

Not helping

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 01:59

Today, I was talking to my professor and explained how depressed and stressed out I am. He called the police to my house because he thought that would help with my suicidal thoughts. My parents don't believe in mental health, and I want to die more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 149

Toxic waste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 12:00 - Europe

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 464

Judge Judy and executioner

By jessie star - 17/10/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, I'm pregnant. So far, I have been criticized about 20 times for “making poor choices.” Not only did we use a condom, I’m also on the pill, and have an IUD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 209

That's not how anything works

By GodHelpMe - 01/06/2022 00:01

Today, my son got fired from work. He took it upon himself to openly insult his boss, and make racial derogatory jokes against a Hispanic coworker of his. He labeled it “freedom of speech” and is gonna “sue for wrongful termination” for “attempt to censor him for having a different opinion.” He’s 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 308

Sounds iffy

By Anonymous - 02/02/2022 22:59

Today, I spent almost 1000$ on an ex girlfriend, not because I wanted to, I was court ordered. She had her child with a guy who was already married, and told the government that I was the father. This was 2 years after she stole my credit card and maxed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 164

Helicopter Karen

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 22:00

Today, the mother of my most boneheaded student got upset when her “precious baby” miserably failed my class. She then threatened to accuse me of failing him due to racism, because I’m black, somehow overlooking the giant camera on the ceiling I installed for my own safety. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 114

Catcaller on a bike!

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 05:01 - India - Hosur

Spicy

Today, a man on a bike was so preoccupied with making lewd comments about another girl's behind that he drove straight into mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 110

High expectations

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was super flattered to find out that one of my former white collar colleagues recommended me for a job. It wasn’t until the phone interview that I realized it was at the lunch counter at her new office building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 127

Gas wars

By Ali - 04/10/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 392

Wash your veggies

By Anonymous - 12/01/2022 19:59 - Germany

Today, I was teaching a girl from the neighborhood how to cook, telling her to start by washing the veggies. She said, "Oh, because you’re vegan, right?" No dear, because they’re dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 189

Missed opportunities

By ThatLove - 09/08/2023 11:04

Today, after two failed long-distance relationships, I was so happy to finally meet a local guy I really liked. After an amazing date, he shared that he'll be moving to the exact opposite side of the country in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 203

ThisIsYourDoc tells us more.

ThisIsYourDoc 7

Wednesday 9 August 2023 10:54

Hello, OP here. Haha yes, i posted the one where my boyfriend wanted my emotional support for getting mistreated by the girl he cheated on me with. That was why one of these long distance relationships that failed. :/ It has actually been longer ago than when I posted, but I didn't feel like posting anything back then. By now I find the situation so bizarre, I can laugh about it :D

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 13:59

Today, my boss called me while I was working from home to bitch me out over being away from my computer for 49 minutes, when my lunch break is only 45 minutes, thus wasting another 13 minutes. My boss is known for spending hours online gaming from home during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 140

No introductions needed

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom - Bangor

Today, my younger half-sister discovered my existence. She then went to our grandparents' house, smashed my picture off their wall, and ransacked their house looking for other pictures of me to destroy. She's in her mid-twenties, behaving like a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 108

Freaky

By Marie - 20/01/2021 05:01

Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 87

Slight anger issues

By IsabellaM - 27/05/2022 14:01

Today, my husband broke the vase and smashed the chandelier in the hallway, all because I asked him who he was on the phone with. His exact words were, “Do you ever just mind your fucking business? Goddamn!” Oh, and he told me I have to buy a new vase and replace the chandelier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 212

Great parenting

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, both my mom and dad agreed I basically ruined their life by existing. They weren’t even trying to be mean, they just casually mentioned that their lives were brilliant before me, then after I was born everything turned to shit and they’ve been miserable ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 135

Fight!

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 08:01

Today, I got a call from the county’s courthouse where I used to live saying I was being sued for fraud and expected in court to defend myself. Apparently, my ex took a loan out in my name and now I get to pay $2300 worth of legal fees and restitution to this loan company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 93

Not today, Satan, not today!

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 02:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after trying really hard to impress a girl and thinking everything was going the right way, hugs, kisses and chatting every night, and trying to spend as much time together, I get told, "I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want." Meaning me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 169

Preemptive strike

By halofever82 - 10/04/2021 08:00

Today, after ordering at a restaurant, the waitress suddenly began acting like a bitch to me, for no apparent reason. I later found out why: most people who order that particular meal tend to argue and whine about the price. I wasn’t going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 98

Neither a borrower nor a lender be

By Taty - 14/04/2021 14:00

Today, my friend won’t pay me back the money I lent her. I stupidly lent her $1200. She’s calling me an “inconsiderate bitch” because I “have a good paying job, I’ll be alright.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 267

Failed the vibe check

By Anonymous - 30/08/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the guy I met off of Bumble, and have been seeing for the past few weeks, went to jail in 2020 for kidnapping a girl he met off Tinder. I would've be on a date with him right now had I not decided to Google him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 192

Cosmopolitan's 50 Top Tips for Lonely Saddos!

By opposites don’t attract - 16/09/2020 20:03 - United States

Today, I was so sad and lonely, so I started browsing articles about how to get a man. Basically every list was naming the exact opposite of everything I am. So I guess if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to change everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 372

TikTok strikes again

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 14:01

Spicy

Today, I tried the 'drop the towel' challenge in front of my wife so I could record her reaction for TikTok, and maybe get some weekend booty. She barely even reacted, gave me the 'go away I’m busy' arm wave, and when I didn’t leave fast enough, she actually whipped my knob with her charging cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 2 022

Weird reasoning

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 06:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me when I told her I once got out of jury duty. It was a legitimate reason with evidence from my neurosurgeon, but she thinks I should have done my civic duty, while enduring the pain of screws holding my skull together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 94

The cheek of some people

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 04:00

Today, I stayed at my mate's house over the weekend, but his mother threw me out, saying I’m was taking advantage of her hospitality. First, it’s her son's house, so it’s not even her hospitality, but also I was helping redecorate the whole house for free, so how was I taking advantage? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 106

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 10:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 163

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Insects Painful Friends Pranks Garden Technology Geek Weird Animals Cute Miscellaneous Birthday Awkward Cake Scary Birds Drunk Embarrassing Roommate Clumsy Mysterious Clothes Work Cats Smartphone Transportation Poopoo peepee Neighbours Noise

The Top

The Top

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 416

You deserved it 5 734

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 326

You deserved it 2 589

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 980

You deserved it 11 715

Today, I got home from a long, stressful day at class to hear my grandma screaming from inside the barn. I quickly dropped all my things and ran in to see what was going on. Did something fall on her? Was there an animal attacking the horses? No. A pigeon had gotten into the barn. I had to chase it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 239

You deserved it 310

Today, in the booze aisle of Walmart at 1 a.m., an older woman asked for recommendations, telling me she's just trying to get drunk and enjoy herself as she recently found out that she's dying, signed her will that day and her family were being shitty about it. I picked a bottle, she thanked me and said, "Have a good life kid, and don't trust your fucking family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 150

Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 108