The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

As seen on TV

By Big break - 18/05/2020 14:00

Today, I finally got my big TV debut. After thousand of dollars in acting classes and years of waiting to become a professional actress, I got featured in a commercial. I will be rubbing toilet paper against my face for all of four seconds. Hurray, fame! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 648

Why I did that?

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 14:00

Today, I was trying to shave down there. I'm about 6 months pregnant, and I can't see past my belly. I ended up scaring the crap out of myself into thinking I was miscarrying until my baby kicked and I realized I had just accidentally cut myself with the razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 863

Keep it to yourself

By Anonymous - 11/03/2022 00:01

Today, my family is still telling me to "get over" the death of my great aunt. The great aunt who always gave the most wonderful birthday gifts, and was overall one of the most pleasant people I've ever met, and I'm NOT allowed to be sad that she's gone. Did I mention she died on my birthday? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 139

This guy grudges

By PocketTrash - 20/03/2020 21:00

Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 246

Frozen

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, I found out my 15 year-old daughter is sexually active. I found out by finding her in our bedroom with a boy from her class, using one of our condoms. Her dad hasn’t spoken or moved from the kitchen table in over 30 minutes. I think he’s so mad his brain glitched and got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 257

Norman Stanley Fletcher

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 04:00

Today, a prison officer from when I was a young offender snuck up behind me and bellowed in my ear, “ON YOUR FEET SONNY JIM, LETS BE HAVING YOU.” I have such bad memories of him that even now 30 years later, I sprang to attention hands behind my back, humiliating me in front of my wife and daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 267

PSA

By CallMeCherry - 26/08/2020 07:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to "permanently and irrevocably" damage my spine. How? By bending down and picking up a piece of paper. According to my doctor, essentially I need to, "bend over like a stripper if I want to pick something up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 146

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

By katieemw95 - 23/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 137

Gag reflex

By banananana - 25/09/2019 20:00 - Switzerland

Today, my dentist applied a paste on my teeth to make them more resistant. It tasted so disgustingly like artificial banana that I had to throw up. I'm not allowed to brush my teeth, drink or eat for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 219

Crisis

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 23:00

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 347

Wage slave

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 00:01

Today, after working 24 of the last 26 days, 12+ hour shifts in public safety, I find myself so exhausted, stressed, and depressed, that I'm literally sitting in bed, staring at the wall, waiting for my next shift. None of my hobbies or vices hold any interest for me whatsoever, and I'm being a bitch to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 27/06/2019 16:34

Today, my 7-year-old learned "Smoke Weed Everyday" from YouTube, and has repeated it so many times that I'm now singing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 461

Red flags

By Anonymous - 25/09/2020 05:03 - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was really excited to meet his brother, since his brother is his best friend. One of the first questions his brother asked me was, "He did tell you he isn't the handsome brother, right?" Followed by, "You aren't a feminist are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 280

By Chessmomma3 - 10/05/2019 01:00

Spicy

Today, my 18-month-old found our "naughty drawer." I found her carrying a "toy" all over the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 998

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 15/12/2022 00:00

Today, 98 year-old mom with dementia thought she was talking to one of my dead sisters and not my wife, telling her she'd better never tell me who my real father really, that I ruined her marriage. She won't have me ruining her reputation, so her getting pregnant with me from an affair was my fault apparently. None of my siblings ever told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 146

Intervention

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 02:01

Today, my sister got in a screaming argument with my girlfriend, who then dumped me. My whole family started celebrating. Apparently, they staged the argument to get rid of her because no one liked her, and I should be grateful they did me such a big favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 218

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 23:01 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 166

Self harm

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 6 403

Domestic

By I’d rather be homeless - 24/01/2022 17:01

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 188

Poker Face

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 23:04

Today, I have to get a thyroid ultrasound. I'm a 25 year-old cancer survivor; it took amputating my left leg to beat the last one. My doctor has dealt with my hypochondria for years, long enough to know his face when I should be worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 106

Bear of a man

By Marcus Whitfield - 14/03/2020 15:00

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 516

I'm horny, horny horny horny

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 377

One law for thee, another for me

By thanks a lot asshole - 27/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 354

Some guys will hump anything

By slschmidt - 22/09/2021 14:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Spicy

Today, when asked for a second date, I had to explain to a man that I didn’t want to see him again, and that he should give women compliments and ask them questions when on a date. He then told me he only does that when his dates look good or say something interesting. He sure still tried to fuck me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 352

You're all grounded

By Anonymous - 08/05/2023 12:00

Today, my teen son and his friends catfished a woman in her forties so they could laugh at her when she got to the restaurant. I'm beyond furious. The poor woman was humiliated, but did my wife care? No, she only got mad at them for using her credit card to sign up to the dating app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 140

Freak out

By Anonymous - 03/09/2020 20:07 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, some jackass spider decided to lay eggs behind my wall. No matter how many I kill, I always wake up to multiple baby spiders on my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 129

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 117

Thicker than blood

By fat fat fat fat fat - 23/03/2021 05:01

Today, despite the fact that I’ve been battling cancer for the past year and was hospitalized for Covid, all my family can talk about is how much weight I’ve gained. Yeah, not like being out of work, quarantined and on a ton of meds has anything to do with it. Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 115

I'm not making shit up, I swear

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I'm waiting to be examined thanks to a clitoral abscess. It burst yesterday and has now shrunk to nothing, so the doctor will probably dismiss me again. This is the eighth time in five months, and no one will take me seriously. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 144

Not now, 2020

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 23:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I have endometriosis… Which doesn't mix well with a horny boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 132

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Animals Cute Miscellaneous Drunk Embarrassing Roommate Clumsy Clothes Work Transportation Poopoo peepee Neighbours Noise Kids Teachers Parents Money I need your advice Relatable Awkward Cheating Creepy Love Crime Sex My ex Birthday Mother in law Cars Health

The Top

The Top

Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 669

You deserved it 8 471

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 811

You deserved it 5 886

Today, I did the math: back at college in 2011, I had a $20,000+ reimbursement from my school. If I had invested even half my cash into Bitcoin then ($2.50), I would be worth over $120,000,000. Instead, I said, "Fuck that! This is stupid", and am now over $200,000 in student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 356

Today, my wife and I were looking online at the house her piano teacher is selling. When she said, "Oh the bedroom looks much larger with the furniture gone," a long awkward silence followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 206

Today, I was diagnosed with female arousal disorder, due to a disability of mine causing low testosterone levels. I've never been able to achieve an orgasm due to this. My doctor said I should just deal with it, because the remedy would make me masculine and I'm a "beautiful woman." I don't even care anymore, just let me come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 181

Today, my wife screamed, cried, called me lazy and a bad parent, and threatened to leave and take our four kids. All I did was ask for an hour to myself every day for some private time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 1 316