The Top

So since this was mine, quick question: I'm hormonally intersex. So was I born male or female? (Let us all mock the misogynist for not knowing about intersex people, sexual variation in nature, or biology)

Worth it

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 22:58

Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 104

Nasty

By Anonymous - 26/10/2021 14:00

Today, I had an interview to be a waitress. Afterwards, I had food in the restaurant, which is where I overheard my interviewer tell the manager he wasn’t going to bother hiring “that girl I just interviewed” because "her face is nasty and she’ll put the customers off their food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 117

Kitchen nightmares

By Accident-prone af - 07/07/2020 20:02

Today, while making milkshakes, I was pouring and the blender's blades all fell out somehow. I don't know what's worse, that I sliced my finger open when the blades fell out and now there's blood all over, that there's now melted ice cream all over my counter and floor, or that I just wasted an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 228

Getting wet, but not in the good way

By Boyufd - 28/06/2020 02:02

Today, it's been the fourth day in the row my pregnant girlfriend peed the bed. It's also the fourth day I have to clean it since she's too embarrassed to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 429

Like that's an excuse

By lydia - 01/07/2020 08:08

Today, my mother screamed at me because she thinks I peed on the toilet seat. Not my dad, me. I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 158

Any damage? Who nose?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 14:00 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 721

By workerbee - 09/08/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 148

Stars of CCTV

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 15:00

Today, my first kiss was caught by my mom's doorbell camera which links to her phone. She uploaded the video to Facebook, along with a soppy comment about her baby girl becoming all grown up. Most of my school has seen and commented on it already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 173

By powerless - 14/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 122

The smell detective is on the case

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 198

Not working out too well, huh?

By Coldandcalculated - 13/10/2021 02:00

Today, I learned that my fiancée copied my house key early into our relationship. The reason being is that in case I were to catch her cheating, which I did, she could come in and trash my place when I called off the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 149

Perfect life

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 10:00

Today, I seemingly have the perfect life. A clean house, a car, two well behaved kids, and stability in every way. I'm also quite good looking, with a good body and health. It's like out of a sitcom/postcard. The only catch is that my husband has literally zero libido and won't have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 387

Next!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 05:00

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 20:05

Today, my social life consists of eavesdropping on my two coworkers chatting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 465

By HBCruiser - 14/07/2019 02:30

Today, I’m sitting in my living room, smelling onions frying. My house is all closed up. I’m not cooking anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 177

Hello?

By SierraTheArchdevil - 23/05/2021 00:01

Today, I woke up completely deaf, for no reason. My doctor told me my hearing loss, "could possibly be permanent." I’m a composer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 84

Double life

By augustpearl - 09/05/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a secret phone that's full of fake names and profiles (all his) and other women's nudes, with fake email accounts and social media accounts. He “wants us to work it out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 144

By lk07 - 12/07/2019 16:00

Today, when I bent down to get something off a low shelf at the grocery store, I felt my shorts split wide open at the butt. All my husband did was make jokes about "that's not how you do the splits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 251

Thanks, I guess…

By Boo - 08/08/2019 08:01 - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 256

Preemptive strike

By Alex Kiwi - 02/04/2020 20:00

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 378

Hormonal hell

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 23:02

Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 278

Empathy Man

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 02:02

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 380

She's a keeper

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 21:00 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me for 5 of those years, making fun of me with her family that I don't have a social life outside of her and my 3 kids. I'm waiting to get my spinal fusion completed, so I'm a stay-at-home who that can't do much and have no other options, including no one to talk to about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 133

Coming out

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 22:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with men, and gets turned on by the sound of men moaning and having sex. I've been his girlfriend for 7 years. I've just been his cover up this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 191

Strong incel vibes

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 02:01

Today, I showed up to my Bumble date with a guy. He looked at me up and down and said, "You look different from the pictures. I pictured you more slimmer." To rub salt in the wound, he proclaimed, "I’d rather staple my nutsack than continue this date. Good luck to you," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 304

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 14:00

Today, I got turned down for my dream job. Why? Because my ex phoned the company and told them how bad I would be for the job. He phoned me and said, "Now you know how it feels to be turned down." We dated for 2 weeks, 11 years ago. I'm now married and haven't spoken to him since we broke up, so I guess he's been stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 147

Furry family

By crazy dog lady - 02/11/2020 11:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 264

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 597

You deserved it 7 930

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 921

You deserved it 3 498

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 176

Today, I can remember enough of a song for it to be stuck in my head, but not enough of it to help me identify the song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 145

Today, someone told me I have male pattern baldness; they thought so because I apparently have a "receding hairline." It's always been this way, I checked my pictures from the time I shaved my head when I was 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 111

Today, as I was translating for a patient to get an MRI, the tech asked if I had metal in my body. In front of the patient, I had to disclose that my nipples were pierced, so I couldn’t accompany the patient bedside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 455