Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. Twenty minutes before I was able to clock out, some kid puked all over herself in the playground. FML
Today, my professor gave me a huge lecture in front of the class about showing up sick, about how I was endangering the lives of other students, and kicked me out of class. As I left, everyone applauded. I'm not sick, but suffering for horrible allergies. FML
Today, I found out someone doing the exact same job as me at work is making $900 more than me on their paycheck. The only reason is because when he messes up, he blames it on me. FML
Today, while shaving I accidentally shaved of half of my left nipple. Worst of all? I didn't notice it until I looked down and saw blood everywhere. That's when the pain hit. FML
Today, I was happy about finally having the time to pot up the $50 worth of Reblooming Irises I bought… until I went into the garage and couldn't find them. My husband had cleaned up and threw them in the garbage. FML
Today, we recently had to unplug our mom from life support. We decided it together as a family, but as her medical proxy, I was the one who had to tell the hospital to do it. Now half my family members don’t talk to me, like I decided all on my own to kill her behind their backs. I want my mom back. FML
Today, my period started one week early, and I don’t have access to any hygiene products besides toilet paper for 3 days. FML
eh tells us more.
First of all I have bought enough products for my period. I’m on vacation on a boat with 3 men who don’t know squat about periods. We were supposed to pack light and my period doesn’t normally come 9 days early and I don’t carry a week’s worth of tampons every where I go. I did have one to last me for 10 hours but I can’t use that for 3 days
Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML
Today, two friends of almost ten years told my husband they had concerns about our marriage, and basically said they can no longer be friends with me. My husband and I never fight, and have other people tell us they are jealous of our relationship. The worst part is they still want to be friends with him. FML
Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML
Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML
Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML
Today, my girlfriend planned our day, she wanted to play FIFA before having sex. I won 11-0. She stormed out of the room, went home and isn't picking my calls / texting back. It's been 12 hours. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, I filled in for my absent pregnant co-worker like I have done since she went on disability a month ago, at the job I’ve been doing for 15 months. Today the replacement they hired also came to work, and I had to train her since she has more experience and got the maternity leave position over me. FML
Today, as I walked out of a club, I slipped in my new shoes and spilled my chicken, chips and gravy on my brand new white dress. Not only did people see me do this, but my dress is ruined. FML
Today, I asked my boss to pay me for the only 2 sick days I had taken in 6 months, but he didn't want to. I reminded him that it's the law now in Germany, even for part-time work, so he said OK. Two hours later, he fired me. One week before my probationary period was up. FML
Today, in his will, my dad laid the blame squarely at my feet for his depression, alcoholism, liver failure, suicide attempt and eventual death, not because of anything I did, just for being born in the first place. He never wanted a kid, resented becoming a dad and drank to make the depression bearable. FML
Today, I found out I only exist because my parents hated each other. They both worked in the same office and despised each other, until they had a hate-fuck in a storeroom after a blazing argument, resulting in me. I exist due to sex fuelled by hatred and lust. Yay me. FML
Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML
Today, I got a lot of tips at work, but little did I know our boss takes it out of our paychecks. FML
Today, I shoved my tits in my boyfriend's face, but he chose to continue playing Minecraft. FML
Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML
Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the nearby marina. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind a lighthouse. FML
Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML
Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML
Today, I proposed to the girl I have known for a while, since our Dads have worked together for 40 years. After I rang my Dad to tell him the good news, he told me that there was a position open at work, which had belonged to her Dad. My Dad had to fire him. FML
Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent two hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after five minutes, then five minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML
Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML
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