Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML
Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML
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Top comments
Nyx_fml 23
There's nothing like condom talk with your mother.
tanekdrachonae 19
It's ok, I was an accident too. We should be friends.
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Comments (86)
Nyx_fml 23
There's nothing like condom talk with your mother.
AppleJuiceBox 10
You could say he's a ... "broken man". No? Oh.. Okay..
WeAreAHurricane 14
...no.
Caitie_kid 8
Durex are the WORST!!!
Gvfell 9
Im sure it was just an ACCIDENTAL slip of the tongue.
bjdog98 9
Canadian.
crisanba 18
TROJAN MAN! Not as durable as Durex
j_cat187 20
Glad Force-flex trash bags!
Grayness_ 26
You sir have been putting stupid ass comments.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Sweet, sweet irony.
Caitie_kid 8
Saran Wrap would be more effective than a Durex...
8born8 18
44, that's like telling him to go and buy a pack of rubber gloves and some scissors.
CarrieDiaries 12
At least she's honest with you. Oh mothers... :P
kiaora_fml 11
Why was she looking into your drawer? you need to talk about boundaries with your mother OP.
UnicornFarts 15
It's not like his mom opened the draw it was already opened. All she did was look inside.
Caitie_kid 8
Why would it be weird for her to look in his sock drawer??? It's not like she's a complete stranger for Pete's sake, she's his mother!!
tanekdrachonae 19
It's ok, I was an accident too. We should be friends.
AppleJuiceBox 10
Can we make a club for this or something..?
canupls 6
I can already see the Accident Anonymous Meatings now: "Um...Hi...I'm Brennan and uhh...I was an accident." "Hi, Brennan."
slooby_fml 25
I thought everyone was an accident until people in my class started telling me they were planned
gAt_d 26
Yeah, we should make a club! I was an accident and adopted, such a lovely combo...
ApollosMyth 22
Woohoo, adopted accidents unite!
TwinChapter 15
My twin sister and I were double the unwanted accident when my moms birth control pills failed. What a combo....
ms_YoungMula 8
My mother had 5 kids in 4 years while on birth control, I was accident number 4
TwinChapter 15
I know the feels. I was number six and my sister seven. But birth control should not be failing that often or that much. Perhaps she wasn't taking it correctly?
JustKittyKat 24
I'm proof that the combination of the pill and a condom is no match for super sperm!
mFUNdo21 17
#29 you were the chosen one :3
tanekdrachonae 19
Since we have a support group now lol. Thanks for sharing!
Moochi456 20
I'm a Trojan baby too. We are the spawn of Odysseus!!
anabuddy123 10
Wow low blow hahaha
j_cat187 20
That's probably what op's mom should have done.
angelitared 27
Damn Trojan.
zahra_786 19
Well I'm sure she's very thankful that it split because she was blessed with you OP! :)
LowExpectations 30
Don't sweat it OP. At this point in your life does it matter?