Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all day when you're not even thirsty is "such a scam". Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen. The ER had to give me IV fluids because I was so constipated from dehydration. The bill was over $2000. FML
Today, I slipped on a banana and hit my head. I woke up in the ER and thought it was a dream. Turns out it wasn't. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML
Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, crying, because she shat her pants. I'd feel more sympathy if she ever ate fruit, or vegetables, or anything other than sugar and carbs, or took the prescription fiber supplements her doctor prescribed. FML
Today, I woke up my friend and had him take me to the ER. I had trouble breathing and my chest hurt, so the doctor put me on an EKG and took X-rays. I had strained my chest lifting weights at the gym earlier that day and pulled a muscle, and now thanks to my massive anxiety I have a $700 hospital bill. FML
Today, I rushed my wife to the ER because she was having abdominal pains. She was crying in the car and very faintly said, "If I die, our daughter goes to my sister and they get everything in my will." We later found out she was just having a bad gas problem. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
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Top comments
CrazyV 22
Hypokalaemia can cause cardiac arrest. It's a serious deficiency. FY wife's life for being married to you.
Sertorius 10
Every time I hear a story like this, I'm amazed that you would have to pay anything at all for what sounds like basic medical care. The fact that you do should outrage everyone. In Australia this would be free to any citizen or permanent residents.
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Comments (14)
CrazyV 22
Hypokalaemia can cause cardiac arrest. It's a serious deficiency. FY wife's life for being married to you.
RichardPencil 32
If your wife isn't getting enough banana, isn't that your fault? ;)
Inkoseh 33
Was there no walk-in's near you or was it too late? I know it sucks after having to go and finding out it was just low potassium. But what if it wasn't? NO ONE has foresight into a diagnosis. It could have been so much worse. Unfortunately you weren't able to find an urgent care open for blood tests, but FORTUNATELY she's okay! No one likes blowing that much money on a doctors visit, especially learning it was a mild issue. It's happened to me before when I first got married. Better safe than sorry, and low potassium CAN be deadly if left untreated!
mekiswrite 21
Maybe it's time to consider moving to a country with universal health care? you know, once quarantine subsides.
kittykitty2802 11
That is such an easy thing to recognize... Ydi for not even bothering to ask your pcp over the phone or video chat
bloopaloop 27
That’s where the real banana comes in... 3 puns in one!
Sertorius 10
Every time I hear a story like this, I'm amazed that you would have to pay anything at all for what sounds like basic medical care. The fact that you do should outrage everyone. In Australia this would be free to any citizen or permanent residents.
Nhayaa 21
Same in France... Welcome to America, the greatest country in the world! I wonder how much they will ask their citizens to pay for a covid-19 vaccine if we ever find one... 🤔
mekiswrite 21
I'm in Canada; universal health care is AWESOME.
MorganHex 28
ask for Itimiszed billing
Heidi Morhart 4
Be glad she didn't need a potassium drip.. She'd be in agony right now.
juggalo2 22
Did the hospital provide a banana? Did it cost $50? Will your insurance cover it? It would be funny to get an actual prescription that said "eat a banana".