The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

I don't know how to say this to you, but…

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 14:00

Today, I came across a friend on Instagram. She's engaged… to my abusive ex… who has been stalking and harassing me lately. She was wearing the ring he gave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 123

This is my life

By Broke - 07/02/2020 05:00 - United States

Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 012

You deserved it 220

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 645

You deserved it 2 896

Poor doggo

By Anonymous - 05/02/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I saw someone dump a dog in our neighborhood before driving off. We spent an hour trying to get the dog out of the cold, but couldn't catch it. Temperatures go down to the 30s in 3 days. Hopefully we can catch it by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 97

Mismanaged

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 17:24

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 879

You deserved it 2 369

Empathy Man

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 02:02

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 380

By birdfoooo - 29/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, as I was leaving Walmart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 024

You deserved it 55 245

Lonesome wheels

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 11:00

Today, while talking to my parents about my car, my dad said, "Don't put a lot of money into it because we will give you ours when we move." I asked why, and my mom responded, "Well, we helped your sister with her wedding, so this is going to be your wedding gift." I'm getting a car out of pity for not having a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 04:29 - United States - Bentonville

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 039

You deserved it 2 899

Brutally honest

By thisucks - 28/01/2010 13:59 - Canada

Today, I went out on a date with a guy significantly older than myself. I told him I really liked him because I can have an intelligent conversation with him, unlike most guys my age. He told me he just wanted to get into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 409

You deserved it 11 031

By captainfail - 14/07/2009 15:27 - Germany

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 635

You deserved it 75 032

Jump scare

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 11:01

Today, I saw a bat in a cabinet. I slammed the cabinet as hard as I could, which knocked the bat off the door and got its head stuck between the two doors, decapitating it. Its two beady eyes were judging me. I haven't even had my coffee yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 1 500

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 22:07 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 649

You deserved it 3 136

By samantha - 27/01/2010 14:05 - Singapore

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 784

You deserved it 4 389

Early start

By KoNi - 21/11/2008 07:23 - France

Today, my 14-year-old sister asked me how I felt when I first had sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said, "I thought it was nice." I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 363

You deserved it 6 486

Automaton

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 14:00

Today, I had to admit that my coffee addiction is really bad when I woke up in a Starbucks with no memory of how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 680

Mind games

By Aaron - 27/01/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, some girl from Colorado called me. She knew my name. My Facebook. I had no idea how she got my number. She then asked me out. I say, "Sure…" sarcastically. She then called my girlfriend, who also lives in Colorado. Our relationship is now over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 937

You deserved it 39 584

Teen spirit

By Dee - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying, "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 441

You deserved it 22 298

Overdoing it

By elsaza - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was on a date with my new boyfriend. I acted very flirty and laughed very loudly to show him how funny he was. I laughed so loudly that I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 431

You deserved it 23 000

Get out

By Leave me alone, bitch!!! - 20/11/2021 02:00

Today, I found out that my mother changed all the locks of the house and threw away all of my girlfriend's stuff. I don't know what the fuck happened there. I actually bought the house two years ago because I had enought of her being nosey and controlling with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 136

Communication

By mairelys - 26/01/2010 06:56 - Canada

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 041

You deserved it 10 218

No Words

By FML Videos - 24/09/2018 00:30

wtf

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 73

Thanks capitalism, I hate it!

By Rusty Armstrong - 17/08/2020 05:01

Today, the prison program I work for has been shut down for months due to Covid, but my bosses have been having us sitting at our desks, doing nothing, in proximity to the inmates. I guess they'd rather pay us to be exposed than to stay safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 204

A man without a plan

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 16:30

Today, I was going to surprise my partner with a romantic dinner, but when I got home I realized I had forgotten the main ingredient: the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 863

Southern states be like

By F*ckinghot - 20/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, as I have my entire life, I live in the south. However, our AC decided to break and now it's 91 degrees inside the house, even with fans on and the windows open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 123

SORRY!

By imsorry - 14/01/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 230

You deserved it 7 844

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 089

You deserved it 34 263

Close shave

By Elisabeth - 16/08/2020 17:01

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. He went to get popcorn and I went to the bathroom. Thinking he had got back before me, I sat down next to him in the theater. I leaned in to kiss him, then realized it was some 70-year-oldish woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 1 535

Classic

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 14:00 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I asked my coworker how she met the old guy from Squid Games. It turned out to be a picture of her with her grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 273

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 401

You deserved it 3 599

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Drunk Embarrassing Awkward Neighbours Transportation Cars Spooky Work Annoying Noise Insects Animals Delivery Cats Roommate Clothes Job interview Childfree Parents Home improvement Homeowners Holidays Vacation Camping Stalker Grandparents Kids Health Relatable

The Top

Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 981

You deserved it 2 665

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 839

You deserved it 2 115

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 715

You deserved it 2 600

Today, after losing my father a little over 6 months ago, and finally feeling comfortable talking to my fiancé (who lives with me and my family) about it, my mother forced her way into the room and started yelling at me for crying. Her excuse, "It’s after your bedtime." I’m 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 489

Today, my stepdaughter wants her biological father, a man who abandoned her as a child, drinks to the point of puking and acting violent, and hasn’t held a real job in years to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I feel like an ATM at this point because I paid for 80% of her wedding expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 203

Today, my parents are upset that I never ask them for help with my homework and struggle with it myself. They won't accept the answer that whenever I do, they're always yelling at me and putting me down. Dad in particular can't get through one assignment without becoming a screaming tyrant about my handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 103