Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML
Today, I fell in a river with a £700 camera, a £200 lens, and an iPhone while trying to rescue a 50 pence ball for my dog. FML
Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML
Today, a few weeks after moving back to my home country, I found out my diploma isn't recognized here. The only training provider I can find that can upgrade it to something valid wants another 2 years of my life, 500 hours of work experience and $16,000. FML
Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said, "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML
Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML
Today, I went to get a haircut. The guy next to me was in an Army uniform and had requested a short buzz cut. My stylist had to take a call, so another came out and there must've been a miscommunication, but by then, she was already fast at work. Guess who got stuck with the other guy's haircut. FML
Buzzed_Head9 tells us more.
Hey, OP here. I'm new to this site, guess I should've made an account before posting? Sorry about that. Anyway, everyone had a pretty good laugh about it after the initial shock wore off! The place had these staggered walls in between the chairs and the other guy was blocked from view. Since it was a busy day, I guess the first stylist had said something along the lines of "the guy on the end just needs a buzz cut". When the second woman had come out she just launched right into it, and I did not say anything about the electric razor because I figured she was just going to clean up the back. But nope. Like a few of you had said, once it was started there was no going back because she went straight down the middle from my forehead to my crown! She was super apologetic about the whole thing, and sent me off with a full giftcard for the future. My hair was sort of on the longer side before, maybe just up to my ears but now it's only 1/8 inch all around. It was a big change but I guess I'll keep it for now since it's comfortable and looks alright. Thanks for all your comments, didn't think anyone would even read this!
Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML
Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling good about it until I saw the interviewer. It was a guy I had sex with and never called again. He remembered me too. FML
jwshrieky tells us more.
It was an 'Oh Jesus.. Ive had you between my legs and now you're the decider on whether or not I actually get to make money off of my brand new nursing degree' moment. :-D
Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML
Today, my after-school community center received a complaint from an upset parent and they’re threatening to “sue” for traumatizing their child. Apparently, someone replaced all the books in the Little Free Library with the Kama Sutra and pornography books. FML
Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML
Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML
Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML
Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML
Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML
Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML
Today, I noticed that my neighbor's house has a clear view of my daughter's bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. FML
Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML
Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire PowerPoint based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML
Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML
Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML
Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML
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