Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said, "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "Mom" while at work. FML
Today, after I've spent years cultivating my reputation at work as a hardass who's good to his team, as long as they're competent and own up to mistakes, my mother came as a customer and suddenly I'm a kid all over again. She even tried to pat my head and ask if I'm eating enough. Now my team all keep smirking at me. FML
Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said, "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML
Today, my 8 year-old little sister said, "F*** you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said, "Gotcha, bitch." FML
Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML
Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "Look at this!" then contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "Stop making fun of your sister!" FML
Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I'm now the laughing stock of my office. FML
Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML
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Top comments
itz_towelie 6
prove your mom and sis wrong, do it in 3 years
blankettt 0
You think you get asked stupid questions? Try working at T-Mobile. I never realized how many idiots there are in our world until I got this job. "Why mine phone ain't on? I gots to call my boyfran to tell him i know hims cheatin on me! Why mine phone ain't on??" "You didn't pay your bill, ma'am." "Didn't nobody done told me I had to pay no damn bill. So why mine phone ain't on??" *mutes phone and sighs*
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Comments (149)
JUDASKISS23 0
...
HamsteronA 0
lol. still hate you though
UberDood777 0
ur such a troll....
mcgugs 0
hey look guys! the second comment!
dudeitsdanny 10
That was a trolling fail =) haha
dumbhaters 0
wow I hate that kid
weritomexican 7
haha congradulations!!!!!! on your lifes dream accomplishment lol
chocolateybar 0
go home, LG. you're supposed to be answering to someone's fml, not talk about how amazing you feel about being the first to comment on an fml. especially when your comment is absolutely unrelated to the fml situation.
jayjaysmokerson 0
ok so honestly how long had you been waiting for this fml to come out?? an hour? two?
itz_towelie 6
prove your mom and sis wrong, do it in 3 years
FYLDeep 26
^ First relevant comment ^
Odiny147 0
lol
Pink_Butterflies 0
How is that a fml? You just described every other working American. Welcome to life.
TempestJones 0
^ haha WIN!
StoryOfTheWeek 0
not if you work like me, video game tester ftw
sleekRelease 0
36 Fail, unlike what people think you don't just test games all day.
a_borshunist 0
You play shitty games full of bugs and glitches for 40 hours a week. The entire video game industry ***** on testers for good reason. Because anyone who finds pleasure in walking into the same ******* poorly animated wall for 5 hours looking for obscure variables in wall-design to test obviously likes to get shat on and probably ***** children while he's on his coffee break.
StoryOfTheWeek 0
if you couldn't tell, I was using sarcasm
a_borshunist 0
Game testiclers are incapable of sarcasm. Your argument is invalid.
quikwit1212 0
^Testiclers? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!