Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML
Today, after a bad week I ordered a large pizza, ready to binge-watch TV. The delivery guy shows up, I hand him the cash, and he left without giving me my pizza. Exhausted, I watched him leave, like a confused puppy. I called the pizzeria; he'd left the pizza somewhere else, and couldn't re-deliver it because their driver was "done for the night.” FML
Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML
Today, I opened the door to a pizza delivery guy. I hadn't order any, but I thought maybe my roommate had. As he handed me the box, I said, "Thanks, you too" when he told me to enjoy my meal. He stopped, looked confused, and said, "Wait, what?" before leaving. I then realized my roommate was out of town and I’d just taken someone else’s pizza. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so baked, he thought I was in the washing machine. I came downstairs to find him sitting in a puddle of soaking wet clothes, crying about where I was. FML
Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML
Today, while high, I accidentally sent a pizza to my ex-girlfriend's house instead of my apartment. She has a restraining order out on me. This is bad. FML
Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML
Today, I ordered a pizza for delivery after a long day. When the delivery guy showed up, I realized I had no cash, so I tried to pay him using my credit card. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember the PIN, and after three failed attempts, the delivery guy just stared at me in awkward silence and said, "It’s okay, I’ll just take the pizza back." FML
Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML
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Top comments
fancymega 7
Maralize legajuana
AbstraktThoughts 13
Chill with him, eat his pizza? ;) he won't remember it.
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Comments (218)
boycrazy30007 12
At least you have a hilarious story to tell people now.
heythere131630 9
So this one time at band camp...
Unibear 1
Where did "band camp" come from?
Jjgibbs 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OP, I didn't you were the pizza guy, i thought you were a dragon
MrCatman1125 2
Band camp thin was from American Pie.
brodie1709 5
Please explain how this is a FML?
omg36 7
That's awesome I bet he had a crazy night
buck33 14
So many... Thumbed down... Comments...
KissMyButtocks 6
Cause they all suck
smurfsarwales 9
Thumb me down *******
Ddevon 4
And that was the day no one got upvoted.
citymayer 7
Except for you.
XXZ 2
Can I join the thumb downed club?
threer 30
Yes.
Welshite 40
That's when you back out slowly.
Airborn0280 18
No! That when you ask him where does he buy he weed.
onlychildFTW 34
As long as OP got the money I don't see the FML part.
ninjadinos 14
If he was that high, it probably wasn't weed. Haha
sirpantselot 22
That's when you say "that'll be 95 dollars..."
winnerme123 8
Why would you back out slowly? If he's so high he forgot how to walk I doubt he can shoot a gun.
asticks 4
I love how the fml is from Washington XD
EyesofStone 27
165, if he had a gun, then you would back out quickly. Very quickly.
AbstraktThoughts 13
Chill with him, eat his pizza? ;) he won't remember it.
DictatorDom 5
If he won't remember it, might as well get him to tip you a bunch
LouisianaBob 9
May as well. Pizza delivery men are like the taxi drivers of the high world.
lottievaughn 5
Like that My Name is Earl episode with stoner Christian Slater! Come on! Somebody else HAS to know what I'm talking about!
noobgang7 5
He won't forget, have you ever smoked marijuana?
louiseth 9
Maybe not, but by the time he realises, OP is long gone. Easy!
mariah3269 4
I don't think weed has that effect...he's on that other stuff *sniff sniff*...
fancymega 7
Maralize legajuana
DoubleCross 9
Already has been in a few states
redbluegreen 41
Well that went right over your head.
annie_nk 23
I'm so lysdexic, I read that normally. :P
DoubleCross 9
Oh lmao I read it as one thing
unicornpower56 7
#33, I read it normally also lmfao
enbliss 10
i doubt he was high on marijuana
kimg0885 23
^ that's what I was thinking. Sounds more like alcohol to me. Weed has NEVER made me do that!
mikeepoo 0
/
idancewithllamas 12
At 184 what alcohol has made you forget how to walk?
Sour_Diesel 13
You obviously havent smoked enough in one sitting then :P
XXZ 2
Hope he had his wallet on him.
Sir_drink_alot 20
I get the impression that he paid by credit card when he ordered the pizza
annie_nk 23
Even if they do pay by credit card, they gotta sign their receipt.
XXZ 2
You don't say.
patrickalamo 48
Give yourself a huge tip
DoubleCross 9
Keep the pizza, he won't remember you.
U_GotitDude 18
I hate when that happens
HeXr 22
He likely didn't even remember ordering the pizza to begin with
happyllama12 5
163- That was just a bad joke that made no sense at all.
Sir_drink_alot 20
So did he pay for it? If he did pay for it then why do you care? Not an fml but not ydi either, stop being upset about things that don't matter
maddygirl820 10
I would of taken his money and run!
flutter4 7
That's probably why you don't deliver pizzas
fuzz97 23
No you wouldn't have.
TotallyAradical 14
62- wouldn't of* Sarcasm.
doubleea 3
89- not sure if you meant the correction of 62s already correct sentence was sarcasm, of the original comment.
Neonemerld 21
That's not sarcasm, 89. Not at all.
maddygirl820 10
Maybe you're right Fuzz97… or maybe not
The_F3rris 11
Karma will get you.
KiddNYC1O 22
Run back to a good English school.
Delta2Almanac 7
Anyone want to play the,"let's guess what state this guy lives in game" ?
XXZ 2
Detroit, i win.
misspulkadot24 17
This is a wild guess, I know, but I'm going to say Washington? Yea. Final answer. God I hope I'm right.
emeraldisle 30
It says what state he lives in right at the top.
kleider1 9
state of confusion, hachachachachacha
annie_nk 23
16 - It doesn't say on the phone app.
emeraldisle 30
39 - I'm on the phone app and it says for me.
DerrickJames 33
Phone app still states where OP is from.
redbluegreen 41
It depends on the app. Some do, some don't.
Futacy 30
13- In what dimension is Detroit considered a state?
MrSassypants 34
The 183rd dimension. Did you hear how lovely the continent of Hawaii is there?
gmc_blossom 21
9- Do you have to try hard to be that stupid or does it just come naturally?
doodlecloud 27
Maybe you guys are on iPhone? Because the state isn't on the Android app..
trivel64 16
Clarifying this for all of you confused people--It says "Washington."
thewife5 19
Pretty sure he was just making the joke because Washington state just voted to legalize marajana. (Nope, I don't know how to spell that, so have at it grammar nazis!)
Arch27 27
It must be an Altered State.
gman90210 18
Yes it does
Delta2Almanac 7
apologies. I know some apps show the state but mine does not :/ may the thumb downs gods forever punish me.
mrg_not_a_dude 18
its on mine
Attica 20
Thank you for being so considerate to victims of gravity. You truly are a hero to many. Love, Stoners everywhere