Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML
Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML
Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML
Today, I finally accepted I need help with my anxiety issues. I started small and I joined a support forum and wrote a post. I was quickly called a troll by multiple users, accused of faking it, and told to "fuck off back to Tumblr" because they wouldn't believe my anxiety is really so serious. FML
Today, I was given my yearly evaluation as a cake decorator at Walmart. They said I "was easily the best decorator there" and "the bakery has definitely improved since I got there." In the same conversation they put "unsatisfactory" on my evaluation and denied my raise. FML
ruthlessrobin tells us more.
I went to the store manager who said "what do you expect? You don't make 22 cakes a day." That level is for mass production I am put on specialty orders 90% of the time. He didn't care
Today, after swallowing my birth control pill, I threw up all over myself. I then had to search through my puke to find my birth control pill and attempt to re-take it. FML
denaeb123 tells us more.
denaeb123 24
Hey, Im the OP. It is extremely important that you take the pills in order and you CANNOT skip a pill! If you do your hormones can get all wacky and if youre sexually active, you can get pregnant. You only have a set amount of pills in the pack and they dont give any extras.
Today, I'm actually starting to miss my former heroin addict neighbor because of how mellow he was compared to my new neighbors. FML
Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML
Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML
Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML
Today, our mouse problem finally started to go away. Now we have a snake problem. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML
Today, I once again asked my girlfriend about getting married, as she had previously said she would only get married once gay marriage was legal. She still said no. FML
Fgjvshnb tells us more.
Fgjvshnb 22
Consider her dumped!
Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML
Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML
Today, I T-boned a woman who pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. According to her, the accident was my fault because she "didn't see" me. FML
Spike2013 tells us more.
Hey, OP here. I was on the road, the other driver was exiting the parking lot and pulled out directly in front of me. I hit the drivers side front fender and door on her car. I had no time to stop. Fortunately for her, I was well under the speed limit otherwise it would have been a lot worse. The police said she was 100% at fault because she didn't make sure it was safe to proceed.
Today, I found out that my husband really thinks onion rings are seafood. He's 36. FML
Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML
Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML
Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML
Today, the guy I made cookies for, spent hours getting ready for, and drove 3 hours in traffic to see never actually wanted me to come. When I knocked on his door, he opened it, but immediately closed it in my face. He then texted me saying, "I met someone else." FML
Caligirl1996 tells us more.
OP here. Yes, there is more to the situation that I could not explain with so few characters. Him and I go to college together, and we have been dating for close to three months. I left for summer, but he stayed on campus because he is taking a summer course; therefore, we talked about me coming to his dorm, on our campus, for a visit because we missed each other. I do admit that I should have recognized that he was not mature enough to maintain a long distance relationship but we all make mistakes right?
Today, my mother yelled at me, telling me I'm irresponsible and lecturing me on how I need to "plan ahead like an adult." All because I asked to borrow a tampon. FML
ducksgurl tells us more.
ducksgurl 16
For all of you wondering about the "borrowing" part, no I was not planning on actually giving it back. But asking to borrow something seems much more polite than demanding someone to give you something. On another note, I think this was just my mother's breaking point. We do have a very strained relationship and had actually been arguing all morning. I just thought it was funny that this was the thing she chose to snap on me for. Much love, thanks guys!
Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML
Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML
Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML
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