Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML
Today, while at the club, I started dancing with a girl who I had noticed throughout the night. When she turned around she firmly stated, "I'd much rather dance by myself". FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML
Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML
Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML
Today, after months of unemployment, I finally started at a new job. The building burnt down on my very first shift. FML
Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died, but I thought for a few seconds that the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML
Today, my date kept offering to drop me off back home because he thought I wasn't enjoying myself at the dance. I wasn't enjoying myself at the dance because he kept asking if I wanted to leave. FML
Oops_Im_Blushing tells us more.
Hi guys, I'm the OP here! And I just want to clarify somethings. I in fact told him that I was enjoying myself and that he didn't need to keep asking. And I don't think it was that he didn't want to spend time with me as he texted me later seeing if we could see eachother the next day. So I still have no idea lol.
Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML
Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML
Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML
Today, the store I work at got shut down and I got let go. Three days ago I got a promotion and a raise. FML
Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML
Today, I'm a college student. Just like every other goddamn day, my roommate set about twenty alarms a good two hours before she even needs to get up. She just sleeps through the first hour or so of alarms while I wake up. I've been waking up at 6 a.m., even though my first classes are at 9. FML.
Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML
Whiteheads tells us more.
Whiteheads 19
OP here, I made an account to reply. To clarify a bit, I'm 19, so I've been dealing with acne for a while and have my face pretty well under control. I said I need to take a bath in acne cream because it's mostly my shoulders and back, and no amount of washing and scrubbing seems to help. Thanks for the funny comments and advice :)
Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML
Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself, since they usually last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML
Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML
Today, I was driving home when a guy crashed into me from behind. I got out of my car and told him that I was going to call the cops. He then asked me if we could move to a corner because we were blocking the way, so we then got back in to move. I looked in the mirror to see him driving off. FML
Today, I parked in my "employee of the month" parking spot by the front of the store and started my shift. About halfway through my shift, a customer backed into my vehicle, got out and checked, then drove off before I could come outside. Perks of being the best employee I can be. FML
Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML
Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML
Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML
Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML
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