Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML
Today, I fell, cut my hand, and needed four stitches. Yesterday, I caught a cold. Two days before that, my girlfriend broke up with me. No rest for the wicked, I guess. FML
Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML
Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML
Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML
Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
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Top comments
Scotth901 22
You might want to actually approach him about being in a relationship together before coming to this conclusion....
HoboMeth 36
I hope you're not actually overthinking this
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Comments (15)
HoboMeth 36
I hope you're not actually overthinking this
Scotth901 22
You might want to actually approach him about being in a relationship together before coming to this conclusion....
KingKralj 31
Beware OP, he's using that as an excuse to get to your family. Watch your back.
Tripartita 45
How romantic slicing a crush's hand open is depends entirely on how much you're like Mads Mikkelsen, the person who portrayed NBC's Hannibal. You'd better start wearing a suit and speaking with a Danish accent just to be safe.
ad1836 19
Mads Mikkelsen is awesome !
floup_fml 13
who are you? Supergirl? Learn to control your power. Normal people don't just break fingers by accident
LordGiblett 26
Or superman, you never know
majesticous 29
Lol, I'm sorry OP. I feel so bad for laughing at this, seems so familiar.
Bearsmomma 30
Familiar here too. Only for me, it wasn't a crush (for him it was... Hahaha, his finger got crushed). Just a friend and coworker. I felt awful. It seemed I was always causing him minor injuries. I'm clumsy and he got too close. Oops.
interesting33 37
You sounds pretty close to him actually. I mean you mess about with him and you play with his brother. You may be in there with a shot
hellnosucka 27
I like your revenge method: one finger at a time.
DonULFonso 22
Well, are you?
zburdick420 7
You sure this crush of yours isn't really your brother? Being from Kansas and all. nothing wrong with a little brotherly love. just don't ever go out west.
Bearsmomma 30
Wtf.... I don't even see how you came to that conclusion. Ugh... You shouldn't try so hard.