Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, $1,000 were stolen from a deposit box to which only I and a coworker have access. I was so nervous during my interrogation that the cop said he had no doubt I was the one who stole the money. I had nothing to do with it. FML
cats1234 tells us more.
cats1234 15
Op here, I do not work at a bank, I work at a bong shop the keeps the money we deposit in the bank in a safe, which only pays a little above minimum wage, they do have cameras but I don't know if the RCMP looked at the footage or not. The RCMP are taking it very seriously and whoever is responsible is going to be charged I just hope they are able to catch the person who really did it. I am certainly not going to replace money I did not take, but more so I would not want the record that goes with it. I don't know if they can charge me without evidence. I didn't know how to respond to some of the things the cop was saying which is what made me nervous (I have pretty bad anxiety). He said I stole the money because I am in a bit of hard times and Easter was coming up and there is no way to track cash, I told him I didn't even buy one piece of chocolate for Easter never mind $1000 worth and the only hard time I'm having is, having my pay withheld because of this situation, which wasn't a good enough answer for the cop. It's hard to prove my innocence because I was the one who found the money missing in the first place, $35 missing from the til and reported it to my manager who said it was probably just a mistake, and to check my coworkers deposit in the safe for the missing money, when I opened it there was only $4.15 when it was supposed to be $350 so I reported that and they came to the conclusion it must be my fault because, their words "I was the last person to see the money" but it was already gone when I got there. Then a week later I did my deposit for the day and put it into the box the next day my coworker said all that was left when she went to the bank was around $10 when it was supposed to be around $400, then my manger decided we take our own deposits home with us and deposit to the bank on our days off which fixed the money going missing problem, but then on Easter Sunday after I closed at around 6:15 and took home my deposit someone went into the store at night and used the alarm code that was just reset a few days before to stop the alarm from going off only me and the other girl know the code, I am pretty sure they didn't take any money that time just broke a bunch of pipes and bongs which is strange. My theory is maybe my coworker didn't know if I would take my deposit home and went to look for it. Guess I'll just have to wait and see!
Today, I lost my Job, got in a car accident, and got dumped by my now ex-boyfriend because he is madly in love with my stepsister. I hope this day doesn't get worse. FML
Today, my electric razor broke down during shaving. So now I have a face which is shaved on the right hand side and has a beard on the left. I don't own blades, so I'll have to go to work looking like this. FML
ItsGoneForever tells us more.
Hi guys, OP here! Just to clarify a little: I shaved with blades once, but that was a disaster. Blood everywhere and it toon way longer than shaving with an electric razor. Therefore, no blades! My old electric razor was actually almost 14 years old, so I could have expected this. However, it stopped working all of a sudden, without any signs of failing previously! However, stores for electronics tend to open at 10am here in The Netherlands, while I start working at 8:30. So no opportunity to buy a new one before work! It was the first thing I did when coming out of the office though :-) As for my co-workers: we don't have our own desks, but you can sit anywhere you like. I chose a private office for the day, so I just got laughed at by my boss and nog by anyone else :-)
Today, while preparing to move into my dorm, I received two e-mails from the campus police. The first stated that there had been 76 overdoses from a synthetic drug reported around campus this week and the second said there had been a stabbing on campus this morning. Happy back to school to me. FML
Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML
Today, I splurged thousands of dollars on the breed of dog that I've loved since I was a kid from a reputable breeder. He is allergic to all food except the 24lb food for $70 and has sensitivities galore, including a seizure from a shot. I've spent $5,000 in vet bills in the first week. FML
Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML
Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML
Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML
Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing, then he left to his job saying he wouldn't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working full time, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML
Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML
Today, while arguing with my pregnant wife, she said, “You can’t understand. I’m creating life. What are you creating, besides poop?” FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML
Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year-old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML
Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML
Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML
Today, out of boredom, I decided to clean shave my beard and moustache for the first time in 3 years. My new nickname at work is The Crimson Chin. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML
Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML
Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML
Today, my budgie learned to fly, having finally outgrown his clipped wings. He flew straight over the gate, out the door and into my dogs jaws. FML
InsanityShard tells us more.
OP here, I had only had the two budgies for a month, I bought them with their wings clipped but I didn't think he could fly with two inches missing from his wings, especially since he and the other budgie hadn't been doing so well. They couldn't get any lift on any of their attempts, and could only fly about 5 feet or so, so I was fine letting them sit at my window. That;s all they had been doing in the past 2 weeks I'd been letting them out. I was just sitting here, and suddenly I hear my mum screaming- they had somehow flown over the gate and into the living room. Another thing to note is that they had made a lot of noise every other time they flew, but this time I didn't hear them fly at all... I was letting their wings grow out so exactly this couldn't happen. They hadn't been able to fly far enough to get over the gate before, having nothing to jump off and being unable to gain lift. I wanted them to be able to fly away from my mums dog if they got out. Sadly, they tried to fly out the glass door after going out my door and the one the dog got was the same colour as his fluffy toys... I do understand this is at least partially my fault, if not all my fault, I was right here and didn't hear them fly, let alone get over the gate that stops the dog coming in here. I was too focused on what I was doing on my computer at the time.
Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML
Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML
Today, I felt the tag of my shirt bunch up in my skirt. As I reached into my skirt to rearrange it, it started moving. It was a four-inch cockroach. FML
wowbuddy tells us more.
Hey guys, this is OP So I'm thinking the reason that the cockroach managed to get in there in the first place is that my friends and I were all at a park with this really sketchy bathroom. Me and one of my friends had gone in there to go to the bathroom and it most likely crawled into my skirt when my skirt was around my ankles... The reason I never felt it in my skirt until a few hours later is because while it was in there, it didn't move at all until I grabbed it. Cue shaking out my shirt and screaming like a madman while fireworks are going off, I watched it fall and crawl away. As some of you said, it couldn't have been that big, that's why at first I thought it was a horned beetle, as bugs here in Arizona do actually get super big. The reason I said cockroach is one of my friends pointed out that it had nothing on it except the shell and legs, as it was dark outside. All in all, I am definitely scarred for life and refuse to leave my house ever again *sarcasm*
Today, a basketball opponent ran into my elbow and hurt himself. He called me to the hospital and, to be a good person, I went to check on him. It turns out he reported me to the police to try and get money out of me. Now I'm stuck at the station while they “investigate”. FML
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