Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML
Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML
Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML
Today, it’s my first full official day with my adoptive dad. To celebrate, he took me out to a fancy restaurant for lunch. Lunch was great. The ride home less so. Let’s just say spicy lunch plus upset stomach equals diarrhea, which makes for a smelly NOT fun ride home. FML
Today, I’m a stay-at-home dad who packed my kid’s lunch while half-asleep. At pickup, my child told the teacher I packed “Daddy’s special sandwich.” Turns out I'd wrapped my own spicy tuna sandwich instead of the kid-safe peanut butter one. The teacher handed it back gently and asked if I wanted it “for later.” FML
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML
Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
namine120409 42
I mean, you didn’t HAVE to eat it.
Joshawott 21
Should have video called him and ate it while maintaining eye contact.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (7)
namine120409 42
I mean, you didn’t HAVE to eat it.
RichardPencil 32
Or he could have gone all mohel and Lorena Bobbitt on it and ate it in little pieces.
JackFaire 27
Oooh please tell me this miracle diet where one doesn't actually need food
BurnInDemonFire 39
Idiot... OP can go without one meal if they wanted to. Although Pencil makes sense regarding breaking it apart to eat it. I could have done without the Lorena Bobbitt visual, however.
Gradask 10
That isnt even a dadjoke, it just some being rude to some one.
Joshawott 21
Should have video called him and ate it while maintaining eye contact.
John Nemeth 14
Out of curiosity which end of the sandwhich did you start with?
RichardPencil 32
Was it a hot dog with two hard-boiled eggs?
BMXDude22 12
God, dad jokes are the best.
JackFaire 27
They are. This guy's dad should learn some and lay off the immature jokes five year olds do.