The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Queso Dog - 02/10/2012 14:42 - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 259

You deserved it 28 629

By Anonymous - 04/11/2011 19:38 - United States

Today, for the first time in years, I broke down in tears, over a Hallmark commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 219

You deserved it 6 871

By Edgarillo - 14/02/2013 07:59 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, my hairdresser apologised because he couldn't distinguish the hair from the back of my head from the hair from my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 506

You deserved it 8 862

Wardrobe malfunction

By Oh shirt! - 03/03/2023 02:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take off my hoodie. Somehow my shirt came off with it, leaving me shirtless in public, as I sheepishly tried to put it back on. Not only were people staring, but there was a mother covering her son's eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 244

By Username - 01/07/2010 04:55 - France

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say "Yes" or "No", instead of nodding your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 453

You deserved it 59 554

So romantic…

By SoundsLikeStalking - 21/12/2021 17:01

Today, I learned why my ex dumped me. Her current boyfriend asked her out every single day for a year and a half on Facebook. She figured that if he was that committed, he must really like her. She didn't even meet him until right before she dumped me. They knew nothing almost about each other when they hooked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 139

Red flag

By FML - 14/02/2026 22:00

Today, I'm getting married in a week. I was sashaying around the kitchen talking to my friend on the phone, saying, "No more diets, no more blowjobs, and if he complains I get half his money!" when I turned and saw my fiancé in the door. He won't believe that it was a joke and now wants a prenup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 135

Nice

By mandiballz - 12/01/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year-old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He said, "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 820

You deserved it 4 465

Tardy

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 20:00 - Australia

Today, I had to tell my daughter 7 times to get ready for school. I packed her lunch, made her breakfast, got her clothes ready for her, and yet it still took her half an hour to get dressed, making me just under an hour late for work due to peak hour traffic. Traffic I would have beaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 682

Astronomical

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, my phone alarm went off at 3 AM. I don't remember setting it, but it turns out I'd somehow activated an old "Wake up for a meteor shower" reminder. Despite it being the wrong day by months, I got up, looked outside, and only then did my brain kick into gear and I realized it was set for the wrong date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 199

How romantic!

By Anonymous - 15/02/2026 09:00

Today, it’s Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend promised me that instead of a packed chain restaurant we would have “dinner under the stars.” We ended up having Slurpees and Slim Jims in the 7-Eleven parking lot. He called me ungrateful for not appreciating his “romantic gesture.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 161

Helicopter parents

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 20:00

Today, I got home to see that my dad had let himself in. He told me he'd caught a feral dog that somehow got into my house, but not to worry, he lured it back outside and it ran away. So yeah, my dad set loose the dog I literally just saved yesterday from being euthanised at our local dog pound. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 145

Dear John

By Homegrown 2024 - 30/07/2024 20:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend asked me to act more like Homelander in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 144

By anon - 12/12/2014 01:43 - United States - Commack

Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 461

You deserved it 2 828

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 11:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 390

You deserved it 2 590

By oD_Ronan - 29/08/2013 07:39 - United States - Olympia

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 323

You deserved it 4 535

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 02:52 - United States

Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 784

You deserved it 2 616

Whatcha up to over there?

By confusedaf - 13/01/2022 02:01

Today, my husband called and said he couldn’t make it home tonight from a party, because his car's battery had died and his friends didn’t have any jumper cables. When I offered to pick him up, he adamantly declined. I offered an Uber. Again, declined, and he got pissed, saying, “Stop worrying so much!” and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 218

**** my shit up

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 16:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to use a fancy new hairstyling tool and ended up getting my hair tangled in it. I had to cut a chunk of my hair off to free myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 249

Teeth gang rise up

By Luke Sparacio - 04/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Cary

Today, I just got back from school with my mouth feeling like a bomb site, and also very hungry. I just got my braces installed yesterday, and I have to wear them for 18 months. I can barely eat anything solid, which means I will be hungry more often. It's going to be an awesome 18 months trying to focus on school! FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 18:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend of two years has been cheating on me for over five months, including while I was deployed to Afghanistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 358

You deserved it 4 305

RebelBorn89 tells us more.

RebelBorn89 0

Tuesday 28 December 2010 18:52

To every one that thinks i'm British, I'm not. I am an American military member serving in the UK

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 15:09 - Canada

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 972

You deserved it 3 744

Gamers gonna game

By he wasn't even playing - 07/12/2014 04:52 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 698

You deserved it 3 931

By Animal_aide - 07/01/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 072

You deserved it 2 965

Zeitgeist

By Ariel - 05/10/2020 10:02

Today, my dishes smelled so perfume-y after going through the dishwasher and a clean glass of water tasted soapy. I checked the pods my husband bought and loaded into the dishwasher to make sure we never got that brand again. They were laundry detergent pods. I was essentially a millennial eating a Tide Pod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 304

Gross

By raesos91 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 221

You deserved it 2 903

By oldtimerclark - 21/06/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 649

You deserved it 3 971

Honesty ain't always the best policy

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 16:00 - Canada

Today, I finally got an interview for the job I want. The interviewer looked at my resumé and asked, "So, what have you been doing for the past 10 years?" I guess binge-watching Netflix wasn't the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 1 160

By drunkboysgf - 21/10/2011 07:39 - Canada

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 639

You deserved it 5 236

By Crispy - 21/06/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 240

You deserved it 46 156

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Frustration NSFW Sex Growing old Intimacy Fire Love Awkward Customers Annoying Work Kids Relationship advice Break-ups Video games Parenting Gamers Ecology Health Painful Friends Insects Pranks Garden Neighbours Animals Cats Technology Weird Geek

The Top

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 668

You deserved it 1 508

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 782

You deserved it 5 310

Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 683

You deserved it 44 195

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 146

You deserved it 5 659

Today, on my second day at work. A fellow trainee broke a cardinal rule: no phones in class. When it went off after receiving a text message, our trainer snatched it, handed it to me, and ordered me to read it aloud in front of everyone, "OR ELSE!" Despite my protests, I had to. It read: "Call home ASAP, mom is dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 105

Today, after six months of building my SaaS (Software as a service) every night after work while juggling life with three kids, I finally launched it. Two months later, it’s still getting almost zero traffic. Turns out building the product was the easy part… getting people to actually visit it is the real nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 127