Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He took me to a restaurant where I was allergic to practically everything on the menu. I sneezed five or six times within the first 15 minutes and spent the rest of the lunch awkwardly trying to explain I wasn't allergic to him, just the food and spices floating around us. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
There's no doubt you ruined the meal, but the question remains: did you get laid afterwards? Women supposedly like men who aren't afraid to cry and are well-hydrated. Oh, and one word: buttermilk.
Sdog 6
Why do people think it’s impressive to eat ridiculously spicy foods? Such a bizarre thing to try to flaunt, especially when it goes horribly wrong. Try impressing her with your personality.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
There's no doubt you ruined the meal, but the question remains: did you get laid afterwards? Women supposedly like men who aren't afraid to cry and are well-hydrated. Oh, and one word: buttermilk.
Sdog 6
Why do people think it’s impressive to eat ridiculously spicy foods? Such a bizarre thing to try to flaunt, especially when it goes horribly wrong. Try impressing her with your personality.
tiptoppc 21
I did two challenges in a row (12 each) of wings coated with carolina reaper and trinidad scorpion. It’s impressive, if not stupid, but did it after my wife called me a “gabacho” I was able to remove that title after that. She couldn’t handle 1 (she’s hispanic, I’m creole-descendant white)
1known 34
Better: don’t try to impress. Just be yourself and be a good person.
VnD 12
Why did you think your date would be impressed by you showing her you can "eat" spicy food! I mean, come on dude!! FYL indeed or rather, YDI
Shzusuziq11 12
why would ordering the spiciest dish impress anyone? (Even if you could tolerate it). I would think this man's a goofy show off
Iamthebanzai22 21
You, sir, are an idiot.