The Top

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Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 224

Give me a break

By anon - 18/02/2023 06:00

Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 206

By Radioo - 18/01/2010 09:00 - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 860

You deserved it 6 795

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 18:00

Today, I ran a marathon and despite the numerous arrows and indications along the way, I ended up getting lost on the way to the finish line. I'm still not sure how I managed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 359

Fishy

By Kristyn - 09/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband for the 1000th time to stop texting a woman he used to be friends with in high school, with whom he recently reconnected, and that I’m feeling neglected in this marriage. He responded by saying, “Fine! I guess I can’t have any friends then!” and took a hammer to his phone, breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 383

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 05:38

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 849

You deserved it 5 767

Yoyo

By jetpack girl - 22/02/2023 22:00

Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 109

Oh dear, oh no

By Voters remorse - 01/02/2026 03:00

Today, after working to elect a Democratic governor who campaigned on "affordability" instead of a MAGA nut job, she's immediately signed off on dozens of new taxes and removed mandatory minimum sentencing requirements for violent crimes. This isn't what I voted for! FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 585

Spiderman meme

By Anna - 02/07/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 171

You deserved it 4 985

By panickygrl - 06/11/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 782

You deserved it 4 004

By PikidiliJo - 24/12/2014 19:23 - United States

Today, I woke up while staying at my friend's house. I saw the bathroom light on, so for a laugh, I got up and quietly pennied the door. After laughing at him struggling to open the door, I decided to let him out. Turned out it wasn't my friend in there; it was his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 867

You deserved it 31 203

PikidiliJo tells us more.

PikidiliJo 12

Thursday 25 December 2014 8:25

It was actually in the morning. I woke up and the bathroom light was on.

By laundry day again... - 08/09/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 756

You deserved it 3 545

Badass

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 20:00

Today, my grandmother got caught trying to rob a casino. She was planning this for months, and is claiming I was an integral part of the heist. I'm fifteen and had no idea she was planning this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 69

By fiftyno - 01/10/2012 15:02 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 4 134

By hatemyboss - 03/11/2011 16:13 - Canada

Today, I gave my boss a nickname. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately, "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 691

You deserved it 45 131

By TBTC - 31/08/2012 07:16 - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 430

You deserved it 5 429

Influencer in the wild

By Anonymous - 21/07/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with this girl who turned up with bags of Instagram camera equipment. She photographed everything, the drinks, food, and yet we barely said a word to each other. In the end, I paid my half and left. She didn’t notice I’d gone for at least 15 minutes before texting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 89

Case dismissed

By Anonymous - 09/02/2026 20:00

Today, my family somehow discovered how much money I make. They didn’t ask for money, or try to be my friend, or try to manipulate me, they just jumped straight to demanding ludicrous amounts of cash for fabricated and imaginary reasons, and already have their own lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 86

By WritesTooWell - 05/09/2013 23:27 - United States - Miami

Today, I got a message from my teacher about my homework. We were supposed to write an original myth explaining a natural event. My teacher bumped my grade for it down to a C for copying a myth that already exists. My myth was based on an original story I've been writing for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 561

You deserved it 3 683

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 23:02

Today, my close friend messaged me, asking if she could still move in. I don't remember the conversation we had saying that she could move in in the first place. I live in a one bedroom apartment. I have no idea what to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 224

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

By JustAJokeMan - 03/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I realized how visibly upset my boyfriend got whenever a certain female friend leaves. When my other friend and I teased him about secretly being in love with her, he completely lost it. He threw a temper tantrum, spilled milkshake all over the floor, and stormed out of the mall. It was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 243

By peacechick25 - 02/01/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, as a finisher to a date with my girlfriend we decided to park behind the school and mess around. As we were pulling into a dark shaded spot, she drove straight into a snow bank. We spent the rest of our time together trying to dig the car out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 657

You deserved it 27 673

PTSD

By anonymous - 18/06/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 370

You deserved it 3 777

Sweet kids, what happened?

By Tico - 16/02/2026 03:00

Today, I discovered my parents' first Valentine's Day "date" picture. It shows them as 8 year-olds awkwardly smiling for the camera. Mom looked like a super dork with braces and headgear, and Dad looks weirdly like a really pretty girl in boy's clothes. I asked them about it, and now they won't talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 297

Cringe factor 1000

By Busted - 05/03/2023 06:00

Today, I woke up to find my girlfriend not sleeping next to me. I go to my car and found a plethora of printed screenshots of me commenting things like, “So hot babe”, “Beautiful! I’d tap that” and other compliments on my female friends’ pictures on Facebook. My girlfriend’s not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 5 091

Sounds like a plan

By Billybob - 28/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I was meal-planning for the week, and sent my fiancee a grocery list with the stuff I needed. She ignored the list and bought nothing but junk food. I guess we can just eat cookie dough and sugar cereal, and die of diabetes in our fifties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 128

Hey good lookin'

By brenami - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 161

You deserved it 7 867

Meritocracy, amirite?

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 05:01

Today, I worked for 4 hours and made $28.00. I have $1500 of bills coming due soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 204

Always check before sending

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 06:00

Today, and for a while now, my phone has been autocorrecting "I love you" to "I lobsters." My girlfriend almost believes I have some sort of a seafood fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 197

The future looks bleak

By Anonymous - 29/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had an epic, two-hour conversation with a brilliant, beautiful future leader of our industry. She's an intern. I'm just some loser horndog of a senior manager in another department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 580

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The Top

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 564

You deserved it 832

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 393

You deserved it 3 271

Today, my mother-in-law said: "People who don't have kids are children of the devil." I'm infertile, she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 143

Today, while at the movies, I had an uncomfortable amount of gas that I couldn't hold in any longer. I waited for a loud part in the movie to conceal it and took my chance. Problem was, the loud part ended abruptly. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 953

You deserved it 16 811

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 513

You deserved it 36 805

Today, I'm so bored during quarantine that I'm looking forward to the virtual doctor's appointment I made for next week, about the potential erectile dysfunction I might have. I'm also 22 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 213