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Minty freshness

By Sergie - 04/06/2010 09:28 - Ireland

Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I brushed my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue, I went too far, which made me throw up. I was 20 minutes late for work. Good start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 212

You deserved it 28 395

Drama alert

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 15:59 - Australia - Thornleigh

Today, I went to visit my grandparents, as my grandmother may not have long left. When my stepfather wasn't grilling my visibly uncomfortable grandad about Bible passages, my mother was trauma-dumping about how hard her life has been, and how awful her marriage to my father was. They're his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 84

Assessment time, baby

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 12:00 - Switzerland

Today, my work told my they are launching a work performance investigation. That would be OK, if the only person assessing me wasn't the same person giving me the tasks that have nothing to do with my experience, and thus causing the low performance. My kids need my work visa to stay in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 120

Alexa, play "Blue Christmas" by Low

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 20:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I had the worst Xmas of my life. My wife has been screeching all day about my ex-wife being at a party, As if I invited her, or even had any knowledge of her being there. I even had to go outside to hide my tears of anger and frustration. This has been going on for 30 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 246

Someone needs a good talking to

By Anonymous - 02/07/2025 20:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband once again woke me up in the wee hours to have sex. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great but as soon as he nuts he rolls over and goes right back to sleep. I however am stuck awake and can’t get back to sleep no matter how hard I try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 150

Preemptive strike time

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 07:58

Today, my husband compared leaving me for another woman to finding another job with a better pay, saying, "Sometimes, better is out there, and I deserve better." He seriously thinks it’s a good enough reason. We’ve been married for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 183

The popo

By Anonymous - 03/09/2022 18:30

Today, I got a ticket for parking "illegally." I was waiting for my handicapped dad at the airport and had all the required documents to park as I did while waiting for him. The cop didn't care, and now I have to go through bureaucracy hell to get it cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 119

By djxerxes9000 - 08/02/2013 02:56 - Canada

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 543

You deserved it 5 813

By Diesel - 03/05/2011 14:23 - Belgium

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 503

You deserved it 4 593

Coda

By Anonymous - 05/09/2022 10:30

Today, I was at a very important music competition. When we'd rehearsed the song in question, the conductor said we were to repeat the last four bars of the song three times. As I went to play the third time, the whole orchestra stopped playing. I kept playing by accident and we came in third because of my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 354

Lost it

By Anonymous - 05/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to an escape room on a date. I was convinced I’d be the puzzle-solving hero, so I sprinted ahead… straight into a low-hanging laser sensor that set off alarms and locked every door. We had to be rescued by staff, and my date still hasn’t talked to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 687

All I need to do…

By Dreamblocker - 28/06/2021 22:00

Today, I was having an intense erotic dream. It was going great until I thought, "I hope this isn't a dream." This caused me to wake up. This isn't the first time I've cockblocked myself in a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 208

Hard times

By Anonymous - 03/01/2024 09:00 - United States - Delmar

Today, I found out my husband of four years has been cheating on me with his boss, who had been kind and treated me well. I never suspected it until I caught them in OUR bed. All he would ever do was come home and complain about how hard his job was. I guess that wasn't the only thing that was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 185

Curiosity!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2019 14:00

Today, I got curious and decided to look for my ex's social media after he blocked me off everything. I found him on LinkedIn and it is only after I click on his profile that I remembered, he will be notified that I looked him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 3 652

Bakery people seem to have a lot of weird "opinions"

By AnyaO - 08/09/2022 12:30

Today, I was refused service at a bakery, got yelled and cussed at to the point of tears, and told to go back to my home country, Ukraine. According to the guy, my people are Nazis who spent the past year draining Americans of their tax dollars to fund their war. I couldn’t report him, he was the owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 250

Tales from down under

By kiwinoz - 04/01/2024 15:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm still reeling from Xmas, as we got a tornado, power was out, and we got a heatwave warning with temperatures up to 37°C. Our power was off for 5 days. When it was restored, we got a flood warning, 150ml of rain, and no sign of it stopping anytime soon. Welcome to Christmas in Queensland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 121

Lovable but annoying

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 09:00 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I was in Barnes & Noble and some asshole was walking around with his phone on speaker to hear the baseball game. That asshole was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 146

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 20:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 147

By paige - 27/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 242

You deserved it 51 962

By Anonymous - 21/05/2010 12:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 47

By phukt - 19/05/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 190

You deserved it 30 592

Where's the beef?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 14:03

Today, I was supposed to be let the bull out of the trailer and head straight home. Someone didn't latch the gate, so it just walked through between pastures. The bull and a cow went through, a horse broke into the cow lot, and another horse had a meltdown and wiped out in mud after trying to jump the fence. I don't like beef cattle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 188

For no one

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 03:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought that something that happened with my friends last year had died down. I realised I was on the wrong side of the argument, so I apologised. My friend apologised as well while I was absent, and apparently everyone was crying and hugging. You know the response I got from them? "Umm… OK?" I swear everyone hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 372

Not in the mood

By prettybich - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 416

You deserved it 36 723

By Noname - 25/02/2009 22:06 - Canada

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 809

You deserved it 3 621

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 06:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 396

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 20/01/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, it's the day I instantly got a much curvier backside, after doing butt-workouts for a year. Too bad the effect is a) one-sided and b) temporary: Just a giant bruise from falling on my butt on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 137

By Anon - 17/02/2012 20:43 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 621

You deserved it 2 102

Tense dinner

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 164

Supply chain issues

By Kramer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out that driving for 2 weeks on 3/4 of a tank doesn't mean my truck magically got more efficient, it means my gas gauge is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 846

You deserved it 33 663

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 896

You deserved it 7 448

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 131

You deserved it 26 573

Today, I was talking to one of the advisors at my job about how almost everyone in the workplace who owns a Toyota has strangely been in some sort of car accident in the last year. I happen to have a Toyota. Guess who was rear-ended at an intersection after leaving work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 094

You deserved it 541

Today, I had to explain to my mother that she needed to buy a new mattress, telling her that we could hear the springs rattling every time she had sex with my dad. She then went on to explain that that is why they have sex on my bed when I'm not home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 192

Today, I found out that the 28 year-old woman I hooked up with a week ago is a widow and her kids, who I’ve met once, have started calling me Daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 328

Today, I received a package that I thought contained a textbook for law school, for which I paid $130 used. Instead, I received a paperback novel titled "The Nosy Neighbor" by Fern Michaels. My semester starts next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 123