Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML
Today, after my ex helped me drop over a hundred pounds, I broke up with him because I looked and felt so much better, and knew I could do better. Turns out he was the only thing keeping me slim, as I've put back on over twenty pounds. I asked him to take me back and he told me to fuck off. FML
Today, my mother requested that I return the $500 she had previously given me to help me pay for college. Her reasoning? "You work three jobs, you can afford it." I work three jobs because she decided buying herself a car was more important than my schooling. FML
theaaxis tells us more.
theaaxis 27
Wow, this got published! To give a little background, my mom had been telling me for years that she would pay for my first two years of college, though she's a fickle woman, so I kept a backup plan. When she withdrew the offer, I accepted the situation gracefully, and am now taking a gap year, working 77 hours a week, so I won't have to depend on her. Any resentment over the money is over the week's notice I was given, which even still makes me worry about her financial situation more so than my own. That she wants even the gift back does bother me a little, but I by no means expected her to pay my way through life, and am very much financially independent. Thanks much to the many of you who understood!
They try so hard!
Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me, "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML
Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML
Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML
Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML
Today, my boyfriend is 34 years-old. We’ve been together for 5 years. He refuses to propose to me because “marriage is expensive” and “kids drain your wallet.” That would be understandable if he hasn’t spent the majority of his paychecks on March Madness. FML
Today, I tried to be a responsible adult and went to bed early. I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep, so I binge-watched a whole season of a show on Netflix. It was a terrible fucking show as well. FML
Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML
Today, I had to very seriously and very slowly explain to my friend why having a bat mitzvah for her dog was a very ignorant and insulting idea. FML
Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a Chinese restaurant, only to get nervous, and hang up. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After several long moments of silence, one of my sisters burst out laughing, and asked, "Okay, who is this guy really?" FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date spent the whole time at the restaurant on his phone and didn't even try to show interest. Thankfully I'll never have to deal with this individual ever again. FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I'd put him on a six-month sex ban if he didn't binge watch Glee with me. He took the sex ban without hesitation. FML
Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family. A huge wave came up and knocked me over. When we got to the van, I realized that the keys that had been in my pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, and money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML
cricketsins tells us more.
cricketsins 36
OP here! Just to clarify: Waves knock people off their feet easily. We weren't lazy, we just didn't want to walk barefoot through a place covered with broken beer bottles and vomit. We couldn't break the window because the van had an alarm system, plus it was a nice van and we didn't want to harm it - especially if we were perfectly capable of walking to the hotel and dealing with it the next day.
Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML
Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML
Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML
Today, I came to the unpleasant realization that my friends only keep me around because I’m nice, know when to keep my mouth shut, and am willing to listen to them vent. In short, I’m the therapist friend. FML
Today, I was told that when I was in middle school and thought I was considered class clown for either making jokes or acting stupid, people thought I actually was stupid and/or mentally challenged. FML
Today, I had my first conversation with someone on a dating site. “I’m trying to get to know you.… so, are you a big girl? I haven’t really been able to look at your profile.” FML
Today, after my man told me to get the dishes done and clean up the kitchen, he got mad at me because I didn’t answer my phone when our son needed medicine that was downstairs. I didn’t hear it ring because I was throwing out the trash, cleaning out the fridge, and washing the dishes, like I was told to do. FML
Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML
Today, the lullaby I sing to my toddler makes my husband fall asleep faster than her, so basically I have to choose between not having sex or having to put up with a cranky overtired hyperactive toddler. Our house has a single bedroom where we all co-sleep, so I guess it's option one for now for me. FML
Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML
SuzyTurquoiseBlu tells us more.
Well, they aren't really liked in the family and I think that its both really rude and sad of them to try and piggy-back their special occasions with mine. My sister in-law and her fiancee got engaged in the waiting room while I was in ACTIVE labour with my daughter and got pissed off that everyone wasn't falling over themselves to congratulate them.
Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing, and after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML
Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML
Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML
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