Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML
Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML
Today, work was so busy that when I went to take a shit, I had to force it and wipe hurriedly. Later, when I got home and hopped in the shower, my wife saw the skid mark in my underwear and lost her shit, calling me a disgusting disgraceful pig. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
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Top comments
extrasnipes 22
Bet the fight was about her not wanting to do anal
WOTAN1488 24
Learn to relax your anal sphincter.
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Comments (89)
daltond27 10
Sounds like a shitty situation
powaaah77 8
Did you like it op ?
pleasedie 22
He now does it every time he poops
Mauskau 36
Part of me is hoping their argument was over why she didn't want to try anal 8)
Eyeslick 33
^ Or why he didn't want to try anal.
samlovesham1234 9
I hope your nails weren't sharp. You could cut your anus if they were.
AlwaysWatching 27
That made me cringe. Why does that part of the human body have to be so delicate
daddysgirl243 21
that would be a terrible experience.
WOTAN1488 24
Learn to relax your anal sphincter.
justdanceforever 20
best FML I've ever read
Miss_Chevious 37
you haven't read the one about the woman who's husband was involved in a series of horrible accidents. he repeatedly fell in her best friend's ******
enginsteve 17
#31. That's every other FML.
luststarrr 22
#5, you must be new here.
SheepShoop_fml 20
Never go to shit angry. ...Er, that's not quite right...
psychopolarbear 28
What did we learn today kids? That's right. Aggressive wiping is never the answer to our problems.
Grenith 21
Why is this downvoted? It's amazing.
extrasnipes 22
Bet the fight was about her not wanting to do anal
CliffyB03 28
This is the best comment I have ever read. I don't know who you are, but I love you now.
JD134 24
I was just about to comment about that.
GotMePhuxxedUp 3
mindblown by this comment.
tralulilulalala 20
Sir, you just won the Internet
extrasnipes 22
When people have no lives....^
babygirlprincess 17
now you have a very, very small idea of what anal us like for us
captainsmegma 12
Now that's deep.
Eyeslick 33
Well it doesn't sound like it was very deep...
mld4657 28
just the tip man just the tip
luststarrr 22
#10, your profile picture makes this comment so much better!
mld4657 28
thank you