Involuntary

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

Poor pillow

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

Frustrated

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

FML: Uncensored

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

Narcolepsy

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML