Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML
Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML
Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML
Today, I was attempting to trash my cheating boyfriend’s house. While I was pouring gasoline all over his belongings, he decided to come home early with the little homewrecker. FML
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
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Top comments
Slawter16 24
He's an absolute idiot. Break up with that jerk.
kelseythompson 27
He'll need those brass balls for the kicking you should give him
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Comments (131)
Slawter16 24
He's an absolute idiot. Break up with that jerk.
Nyx_fml 23
She already did!
Slawter16 24
Yep, I should have realised the obvious. Facepalming at myself.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Anyone else think its pretty obvious op is a regular fml reading because of her name? Since people usually reply "u mean ex boyfriend" to these types of fmls. It's like op answered beforehand.
NeatNit 33
63, yeah, but obviously doesn't have an account. Kinda disappointing really.
jondivey 9
Not a single person made an "You mean your ex-boyfriend" joke. Im absolutely astonished.
p00p0nt0ast 10
Because of OP's name, dummy :P
omg36 7
At least he didn't say "it wasn't me.."
The_9th_Doctor 18
sorry to hear that. at least you found out now before you decided to get married
Jake_Hale 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe he was drunk OP? If he was you should forgive him.
FMLandFYL2_xoxo 22
He obviously wasn't drunk..
Jake_Hale 7
You don't know that.
joopjoop 19
and getting drunk enough to make out with another woman while op is at work is also grounds for breaking up anyways
Zomg_Okay 27
19 - Maybe that guy who killed a small child with his car was drunk. If so, we should forgive him. Yeah, that logic doesn't check out 19.
The_9th_Doctor 18
yea, I doubt he was drunk. some guys are just cheating assholes
hcollins1 18
19, even if I do get drunk, I still know what I'm doing. Just because you drink does not mean it's ok to cheat or anything else. It's still cheating regardless of the situation.
yankfan89 27
19 even if he was drunk that is no excuse for cheating. OP did the right thing by dumping him.
Axipiter 24
When I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be...
kelseythompson 27
He'll need those brass balls for the kicking you should give him
phoneYuNOlisten 16
Even though he ****** up that bad, and he deserves to be dumped, but he doesn't really deserve that. He could turn OP in for sexual harrassment.
kelseythompson 27
kicking someone in the balls isn't sexual harassment, it's assault.. who cares really lol
SkyDog 9
With how she said "My Sofa" implys it's her residence. They are intruders.
phoneYuNOlisten 16
Isn't it both?
cristy91 33
Not necessarily her residence, they could live together and still have separate articles so long as they didn't jointly pay for it
AShepard 2
Probably the police...
Lehk 9
you would be horrified if a guy posted that his girlfriend was cheating on him and the commenters were telling him to beat her up.
tiernang 21
THANK YOU, 104! i hate how some girls think they can be sexist all they want, but guys cant.
QueenOrangeSoda 21
Yes. The double standard is so silly, and I'm saying this as a female--just because it benefits my gender doesn't mean I should think it's okay. Domestic abuse is NOT acceptable, and it's an issue of human rights, not gender.
Gothicbunnyx3 16
Dump his ass, he doesn't deserve you. I just absolutely hate cheaters.
tiernang 21
read her username. i take it she did.
Pwn17 25
Kick his balls till they aren't brass anymore. Edit: Damn 3. You win this round.
Dr_Manhattan_fml 15
I'd kick my gf in the ****** if she cheated on me.
ThePaul007 14
What a douche!
PeaceIsFree 9
What an absolute dingle ****! You deserve so much more
Mossears133 15
Thumb up for "dingle ****"!
Pwn17 25
FML: Teaching people colorful insults since 2008.
KingReppin956 15
Thumps down for "dingle ****" sounds like something you blurt out when not knowing what to say.
NandaPanda 22
So he's a cocktard AND a dingle ****??? I don't think he deserves the attention of two awesome (if insulting) nicknames!
KingReppin956 15
Damn 50 dislikes! Im sorry i will thumbs up...
alligator729 15
"Cocktard" and "brass balls" just yes. You definitely deserve a boyfriend that is much better. And not a cocktard.
Cheeley 17
I'm liking the name OP. Good choice!
AustinDenton 22
Sometimes stupidity is mistaken for " brass balls "