The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 04:03

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 5 155

By bettercallpeta - 15/02/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 120

You deserved it 11 159

Misunderstanding of the night

By milkybear - 15/06/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 910

You deserved it 15 909

By Soontobeex - 15/09/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 609

You deserved it 4 686

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 23/12/2023 15:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, after many years of being one of the best workers anywhere I worked, and being superhuman, I now have to accept that I may never be able to work full time again. Why? Because apparently I haven't been properly digesting food since I was 16 and I'm now 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 146

Teamwork

By Cheifs - 23/06/2025 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I joined a Zoom meeting and spent 10 minutes talking about my car issues to a group of strangers who were definitely not my usual team. I then realized I was in a webinar for bird enthusiasts who were too polite to interrupt me talking about transmissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 447

By scarlet - 09/05/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 923

You deserved it 3 420

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 810

You deserved it 6 817

By flipflop - 07/06/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 340

You deserved it 7 446

Let's get it on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother-in-law berated me for not being pregnant yet, so I yelled at her that since she guilted us into letting her move into our house, she never goes out, our bedrooms share a wall, and she has the hearing of a bat, none of which helps me or my husband have any sexy time. It’s been 4 months FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 11/02/2013 07:46 - United States - Denton

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 512

You deserved it 3 408

By stuff2710 - 05/03/2012 00:27 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 431

You deserved it 48 098

By H05T1L3 - 04/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 947

You deserved it 37 234

By samantha - 04/03/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 458

You deserved it 3 810

Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 10:00

Today, my daughter is mad sulking because she got her first wage today and learned a bunch of new words like national insurance, pension contributions, taxes, automatic student loan repayments, and so on. She actually thought she got to keep ALL the money she earned, and is taking it out on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 479

By Anonymous - 31/05/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, my fiancé admitted to me that he only found big girls attractive, and that's why he could never cheat on me with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 606

You deserved it 6 944

By sucksforme - 12/09/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 612

You deserved it 3 538

Falling down

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 00:01

Today, I was doing laundry. I went to go grab a couple of detergent pods. Forgetting that I'm 5'3 and the pods are above the industrial-sized washer, I reached for them and fell backwards into a hole where the water from the washer goes. My left leg got soaked in dirt water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 229

Checks out

By Asirual - 02/05/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15-minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 13 211

By alejita - 02/03/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 162

You deserved it 9 857

Skittish

By maced face - 05/02/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said, "Excuse me…" The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 270

You deserved it 3 545

Pain in the neck

By Anonymous - 14/02/2020 05:00

Today, my mom drove my car and had to make a U-turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she sped up to turn, running off the road and denting my car. To make things worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions, then followed that up with, "It's not that bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 341

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 21:59

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 1 282

Busted

By amy - 08/09/2022 07:30

Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 236

By rani - 02/02/2013 22:34 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 290

You deserved it 5 572

By theboywithlonghair - 09/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 019

You deserved it 6 902

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 06:01 - United States - Steele

Today, after asking my family to quiet down at a restaurant, my mom told me to go outside. In 100+ degree weather. So I did, and after what seemed like an hour, my family ran out screaming because they thought I'd been kidnapped. I nearly got heatstroke to show my family that sensory overload is real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 316

Harsh and unfair

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 12:00

Today, my soon-to-be-ex wife aborted our baby out of sheer spite after I caught her cheating with a man. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom, but I'm infertile. Also, I’m writing this from work because my boss wouldn’t let me have even one day to grieve, because I wasn’t the one who was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 447

Kinda weird

By Michelles Mom - 10/01/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, when my baby girl was born, my husband insisted we name her “Michelle” Michelle is the name of his coworker, who he potentially has a crush on. He insists that Michelle is strictly professional and he’d divorce me if I didn’t follow through with the name. Michelle is our new daughter’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 706

By anonymous - 21/05/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 380

You deserved it 8 491

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Animals Cute Miscellaneous Drunk Embarrassing Roommate Clumsy Clothes Work Transportation Poopoo peepee Neighbours Noise Kids Teachers Parents Money I need your advice Relatable Awkward Cheating Creepy Love Crime Sex My ex Birthday Mother in law Cars Health

The Top

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 802

You deserved it 5 661

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 898

You deserved it 6 205

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 128

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 184

Today, after I'd got into a steady routine for months, the new manager waltzed into the store out of the blue and began changing every single rule. I had a panic attack and cried, for which she promptly fired me for “acting like a baby.” I’m autistic and I don’t do well with sudden changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 249

Today, my stepson hit my biological son with a belt. When I demanded to know why, it turned out that my son destroyed his (stepson's) laptop while raging over his stupid video game. My husband is completely mortified and I have no idea who to be more mad at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 117