Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommates gathered together to tell me that they all took turns spitting in my drinks in the fridge, all because I told on them for smoking pot in the apartment. FML
Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me, "So… when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML
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Top comments
_kyleG_ 34
There's a fine line between hospitable and stupid, but your roommate has firmly entrenched themself on the stupid side.
KaylaTackett 18
I think it's time for you to move.
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Comments (51)
KaylaTackett 18
I think it's time for you to move.
dcam13 19
lol moving is extreme. homeless are people too. I wouldn't let them in the house again but bring them food/clothes. everyone needs help sometimes.
soullyfe 33
@19: The problem is that OP's roommate would let them back in again.
R2Y2 22
Help is one thing, throwing up all over your carpet is another.
chosha_fml 27
I'm starting to wonder if that's actually what the roommate wants and this was a ploy to make OP want to move out.
Livin_Like_Larry 29
Next time lay out a litter box so that you don't end up with several ***** on the floor
herofaircloth 18
That's odd, I didn't read that they shit on the floor. Probably, because they didn't. These are human beings, not cats.
Livin_Like_Larry 29
You never know...
CandyApple88 13
That's a great idea. Clearly they are not house trained. Like an article i read recently about a lady pulling together money to let a homeless couple stay in a hotel for 10 days. The homeless couple tried to check out after the first day and get a refund on the rest of the money, and when that wasn't allowed, they completely trashed the hotel room, also using the carpet as a toilet. Litter boxes may have lessened the damage.
_kyleG_ 34
There's a fine line between hospitable and stupid, but your roommate has firmly entrenched themself on the stupid side.
dtdrpepperguy 14
Maybe your roommate is just a caring person and is willing to give hospitality to those in need. Even if it means cleaning up their mess.
noisyboy4000 23
That, or they REALLY want Op to move out
Lurmin 12
Next time they'll be sleeping in your bed.
FSGInsainity 15
at the same time
freya1998 23
maybe search for a new roommate? and make him clean it up, hungover or not! be a bitch about this, don't let the Drunk People walk over you. it's dangerous.
williamcarter93 13
The Drunk People- you make them sound like superheroes. Here come The Drunk People- saving citizens from the depredations of Ethanol!!
freya1998 23
hahaha I guess you can see it that way! I don't think that they, although they probably mean well, would be the most effective superheroes. I imagine them being so drunk, that they forget have a mission at all. sign me up ;)
KhaleesiDannie 26
Have the roommate go with them then they can hang out all the time
A07 48
Next time they come back be sure to splatter a bit of ketchup on the floor and leave a ketchup stained knife half hidden somewhere visible. And smile extra wide while talking them. They won't stay around for much longer after that.
xEDENx 16
Yikes. Might want to have a talk with your roommate
TweetAnne 13
How inconsiderate of your roommate to not ask you if they can bring people over. Homeless or not she needs to inform you since you're both living under the same roof.