Today, my grandma's cat peed on my full leg cast. The closest doctor was a three hour drive away. So my grandma wouldn't take me at all the whole weekend. FML
murphx3x tells us more.
murphx3x 0
hey im the one who did this post.. so to explain all of this, i wasn't in pennsylvania at the time. thats just where i live now. my grandma lives in alaska. she lives in like a really isolated cabin area. it doesn't even have running water. she likes it out there. and 3 hours is a exageration. its actually two hours. yet again with my grandma's really beat up car and well, her slow driving, it takes us about 3 hours. and yes its safee for her to live out there by herself (and my grandpa) because they are both very very healthy. and not that old. she's a little over 50 and my grandpa is only 40 cause he just got married to her. and for everyone who's wondering, I WAS ASLEEEP. i woke up due to the terrible smell. my grandma made me stay in a serperate room and my plane ride was on monday morning and i had some trouble with the plane ride and getting through security. i had to put a huge plastic bag over it and lets just say, THANK YA FEBREEZE. but in the end, i came home and my first stop was the hospital. i hope everyone got a good kick out of it though. cause i didn't. not to mention cell phone service was real bad out there, and my mom made me stay to keep my grandparents company (she thinks its bad that they are so isolated.) oh and you have to go to the doctors to get the cast off. theres no way that smell is gonna get out. although i wish i had known about the vinegar trick before. and for anyone who doesn't have a cat, STFU. it smells like death. ughh it was prettty bad, and also thank the lord for nose plugs.
Today, I was told that I will never be able to have children. Thankfully for my husband, his girlfriend sure can. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML
Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparents' house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony… until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML
Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says, "I love you" are after he screws up or when he wants a blowjob. FML
Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML
Today, I was shaving my left armpit when I cut myself badly. I wondered whether or not it would be safe to shave my right armpit, then reasoned that it couldn’t possibly happen twice. It did. FML
Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML
Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML
Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply was, "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML
Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and, about 30 seconds in, he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek, and leaves. It turns out that he'd already came. I called his phone - wrong number. FML
Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, the guy I've been dating told me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it's ruining his game with other girls. FML
Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who is vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML
Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML
Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML
Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were watching a movie in my basement. I ran upstairs and popped a bag of popcorn. Later I came downstairs to find my 10 year-old brother sitting next to my girlfriend, saying, "My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means." FML
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie, telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
Today, I missed my dentist appointment. I couldn't attend, because I was too busy puking my guts up due to a bad reaction to the pain medication I'm taking for my toothache. FML
Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML
efffmylife tells us more.
Today, I almost got expelled for bringing a weapon to school. The "weapon"? A yellow travel-size hairbrush. FML
wasliedtoasakid tells us more.
Hello! OP, here. I appreciate the comments, especially the hilarious sarcasm and puns haha! :D So here's the full story: I just came out of the gym after P.E. (before the bell rang so everybody was still in class) and there was this kid like 30 ft away (going to the bathroom, I assume) and since my hair was really messy, I took out my brush, which is one of those full-size brushes that folds. So apparently this kid thought I had a pocket knife or a switchblade or something because of the way I unfolded the brush (image the same motion you would use to crack a whip or flick a wand or whatever - that's how I opened it because my hands were full). Also, I guess the kid thinks that I brush my hair with a yellow knife...? Anyway, he reported me. I got sent to the Dean and I explained what happened and showed him the "weapon." Luckily, he believed me and not that shit-for-brains kid, so I didn't actually get expelled.
Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML
gavinbanks tells us more.
Hey everyone! Op here, thought I'd clear some things up. I had my phone on me but it was dead that night. I actually saw the girl again last night at another party, I told her the story and she have me her number again! Everything worked out for the best I guess, Thanks for the funny comments everyone!!!
Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML
Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML
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