Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my son came to complain that all he and his girlfriend do is have sex, yet never talk to each other. As his dad, I tried to give him good advice, but as his mom makes me miserable every time she opens her mouth, it was a struggle to think what to say. In fact, he’s living my idea of paradise. FML
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horseshit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
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Top comments
lgrave 8
I hope you tell him about the most important bits: consent and protection
Anderling 33
I wonder if wife knows that if you *hadn’t* explained the practical bits she’d be a grandma-to-be by now
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Comments (5)
lgrave 8
I hope you tell him about the most important bits: consent and protection
Anderling 33
I wonder if wife knows that if you *hadn’t* explained the practical bits she’d be a grandma-to-be by now
poopface82 25
Maybe that’s what she wants - to force her son into marriage and parenthood so she can have GRANDBABIES!!!!!!!!!1111111111oneoneoneone
RichardPencil 32
I hope you didn't leave out that some of the bits must not be squishy. You may have forgotten that since we don't know if you've had sex since conceiving your son.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm wondering why he went to his mother for that in the first place. But I hope you threw protection into that lesson, because it's the most important part. And consent. Definitely consent.
amd21905 9
I teach a health class in college. it is scarey how many 18-20 year olds do not know their own body much less the opposite sex. I have had 19 yr old male ask if it's true you can get a female pregnant with anal sex! I have had several ask if the female is still a virgin if she only has anal! I can go on and on. Point is parent's talk to your kid's about sex. About consenting to sex. About birth control being BOTH people's responsibility!!! It is truly sad how many of our future generation has no idea!