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By boundandgagged - 13/01/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 523

You deserved it 5 007

By Katthebamf - 18/08/2013 23:33 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I broke into tears at work after being told my aunt had a stroke. My boss told me to "suck it up, no one is that close to their aunt." My aunt adopted me when my mother passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 922

You deserved it 2 465

Katthebamf tells us more.

Katthebamf 29

Monday 19 August 2013 14:54

Thanks for all the supportive comments. When I explained to him the situation he apologised and sent me home. I reported him to my senior manager and he has since received a warning for inappropriate behavior. My aunt is doing really well now, they caught it early and they say she will make a 100% recovery. She's talking again as well, but she will have to stay in hospital for a while for monitoring. Reading all the comments made me feel a lot better as well, thank you!

By _dopey_ - 17/05/2009 17:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 996

You deserved it 7 840

By eww - 27/10/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my dandruff issue is so awful that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 387

You deserved it 7 871

By hatelittleboys - 15/10/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 983

You deserved it 64 421

By anonymous - 18/06/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 31

By Why? - 05/03/2015 22:34 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 579

You deserved it 2 556

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 21:33 - United States

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 733

You deserved it 8 866

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 513

You deserved it 4 158

Here, have a Turner Prize

By RunningMurphy - 15/05/2009 07:20 - United States

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 644

You deserved it 2 765

By secret dancer - 16/08/2011 16:55 - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 473

You deserved it 11 379

By metalwolf - 20/04/2012 08:56 - United States

Today, driving home, I got bored and started debating how I know this is reality and not just a dream, even though dreams often seem real. The answer came quickly; in my dreams, I work normal hours and have time for things like hanging out with friends, and having a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 3 903

metalwolf tells us more.

metalwolf 17

Friday 20 April 2012 19:08

The problem isn't really organizing my time. Ideally I would like to get to sleep right when I get home and wake up in the early afternoon, but usually I fall asleep in the afternoon and wake up just a bit before I need to go to work again. Speaking of, I should be asleep right now.

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 396

You deserved it 7 210

By segal1010 - 28/02/2013 00:27 - United States - Potomac

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 918

You deserved it 4 305

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 673

You deserved it 6 615

By SadExperiment - 30/10/2012 00:42 - United States - Claremont

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 769

You deserved it 3 350

Grief is weird

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 16:12 - United States - Modesto

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 426

You deserved it 9 539

By Anonymous - 24/09/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 923

You deserved it 2 684

By sleepless - 20/06/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep, my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 073

You deserved it 2 914

I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 184

You deserved it 5 922

By BlueBallMcGee - 11/05/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 816

You deserved it 7 053

By nobodylovesme - 04/04/2013 06:46 - United States - Northridge

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 918

You deserved it 4 944

By ridella - 08/04/2011 10:35

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 842

You deserved it 5 474

By nemesis5196523 - 03/12/2013 19:45 - United States - Ogden

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 922

You deserved it 4 285

Get on with it

By deflated - 09/08/2009 16:54 - Ireland

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 839

You deserved it 59 863

By gumpy - 25/02/2011 20:37 - United States

Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 231

You deserved it 4 495

By pinkleopleurodon - 09/12/2011 12:23 - United States

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 143

You deserved it 2 589

Small world

By CivE - 25/01/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 022

You deserved it 38 307

By I quit - 19/11/2011 00:48 - United States

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 3 352

By clean - 16/09/2013 07:51 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 190

You deserved it 4 301

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The Top

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 498

You deserved it 3 352

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 558

You deserved it 2 937

Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 391

You deserved it 42 840

Today, I went to my son's friend's birthday party and felt really proud of giving a great gift. It just so happened that I regifted the same gift that his friend's mother gave to my son the month before, because I forgot to check the name on the bag. It looked like she was about to faint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 804

Today, while I was explaining my troubles to my therapist, he asked me, "And don't you have someone you can tell all that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 121

Today, I was awoken at 3am by hotel management to tell me they received complaints about me from every room within 30 yards of mine, including from the floors above and below me. What was my crime? Snoring loud enough to rattle windows on the other side of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 306