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Be careful what you wish for

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 18:00 - Switzerland

Today, after two years of torture being secretly in love with a married woman, two months ago she initiated things and we became lovers. Now she says even if she divorces, she wouldn't want me as a partner, because a honest man would never "do what I'm doing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 2 879

Pokéman gone

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 08:01

Today, I thought a cute and well-dressed guy, with a mask matching his shoes, was taking a picture of me. Flattered, I approached him. Turns out, he was playing Pokémon Go and was just trying to catch a “Geodude.” He also blurted out that he was gay. He's into dudes and Geodudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 637

ED FML

By please don’t… - 13/05/2022 06:00

Today, as always, my parents wait until I go into the kitchen to drop what they’re doing, rush into the kitchen, and stare at me while I’m making food. They also comment on what I’m eating. I’ve had seven therapists and none of them were able to help me with my embarrassment surrounding food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 143

By any means necessary

By Anonymous - 04/09/2023 00:02

Today, I actually pondered shaving off my eyebrows so I wouldn't have to go back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 297

Knackered

By Anonymous - 11/06/2022 16:00 - Germany

Today, I'm fit, but so exhausted from work that I hardly managed to even climb the stairs. Yet, as soon as I sit on the couch for longer than half an hour, my butt starts hurting. So I guess it’s either reading a book lying on my stomach, which makes my back hurt, or hanging upside down from the ceiling like a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 152

The truth will out

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 02:00

Today, I accidentally overheard my thesis supervisor mutter, "fucking idiot" coming out of a Zoom meeting with him. It was only me and him in the Zoom meeting, and he said it 4 seconds after saying goodbye. I just quit Zoom without saying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 18:00

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 145

Freaked out

By anomynous - 05/04/2021 05:00

Today, my workplace replaced all of the toilets in the store with automatic toilets. I have an anxiety disorder, and I can't use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 397

Demon child

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 22:01

Today, people say grandchildren are a blessing, well not ours. Our grandson is only 6 but he’s the nastiest human I’ve ever encountered, and I legitimately think it would have been better if our daughter never had him. Unpopular opinion maybe, but spend one afternoon with him, I dare you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 247

By Krysis - 15/08/2017 21:45 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Today, while I was skyping two of my guy friends, my mom barged into my room to show me a really nice new lipstick she bought and wanted me to try on. It was a beautiful red color and as I asked how I looked with it on, my mother laughed and responded with "hahaha you look like a hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 501

You deserved it 453

Great session! Same time next week!

By Sabre777 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 217

By mafiaguy800 - 27/08/2019 14:00

Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 04:04

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 882

What have you done?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son dropped a firecracker in my flour storage bin, probably thinking the pop would make flour go everywhere. I guess he’s never heard of a dust explosion because what he actually did was set fire to the flour, causing such a violent shockwave it blew the kitchen window out of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 86

Drumming up business

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 06:00

Today, I was reported for mortgage fraud. The reason? A distant cousin wanted to congratulate me on my new home, but she was upset that I didn’t go through the lender she works for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 112

No vacancy

By Uber at midnight - 11/07/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, my friend invited me over for a sleepover. Only she didn’t tell me until it was time to go to bed that she expected me to sleep on the floor, as she had three dogs sleeping on the couch, and two more in her bed. She could’ve at least warned me to bring an air mattress or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 127

Stereotypes

By Anonymous - 26/09/2019 06:01

Today, my girlfriend's Facebook relationship status was changed to single. When I tried to ask her about, she told me she's a lesbian now. Her mullet should've been a clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 347

Which side are you on?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 14:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I can officially say my parents spend more time with my cheating ex than me. Today is Sunday, and since Monday they have visited her on 4 days, leaving three days for me to see them, but on two of those days I had work, so I have visited my own parents once this week, while they saw her 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 154

Move on, dude

By Anonymous - 13/11/2023 10:00

Today, it's been 4 years since I cheated on my boyfriend and we broke up. I've moved on within those four years, but I found out the reason I have such a hard time getting a new man now is because my ex, who still works the same minimum wage job, still goes out of his way to tell everyone he knows about our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 1 516

WOOF!

By Dweeb - 02/10/2019 18:00

Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 656

Father material

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 07:30

Today, I did a pregnancy announcement with my boyfriend and our families. My boyfriend acted happy until we were driving home, then claimed I pressured him with witnesses, started to cry because he doesn’t want kids, and by the end was begging me to give it up for adoption. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 915

Sussy baka

By Every time I date a retail chick - 21/08/2022 22:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I learned that while I respectfully distanced myself from my female friends in the last two years of dating my girlfriend, as per her request, she has been making loads of new male friends on her "backup Snapchat." This includes guys from her work, or guys her girlfriends bring around her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 318

Cutting corners

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 06:01

Today, we can finally order badly needed safety gear for my crew. My boss flipped his shit, demanding that I "stop bringing it up, it's annoying" for doing my damndest to keep up with industry standards. I was brought to tears for literally doing my job, with no "peers" to back me, since I'm an HR department of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 139

Gimme the money

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 10/12/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, after getting wrongfully terminated from my job, I was told that I would get my severance pay on this date. Since I was fired due to the new owners being ableist and ageist, I expected that they wouldn't send it, as a final "fuck you" to me. I was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 189

Never in the buff

By ShyVirgin - 19/06/2021 06:01 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a staff member entered my room, thinking it was empty. I was naked. This is the second time something like this has happened in the week I have lived here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 122

Anatomy 101

By Rhayne - 26/12/2023 22:00 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I, a 29 year-old, healthy female who has never done anal, felt the urge to fart while working on my computer. However, it then felt like I was going to be poop, so did a mini sprint to my bathroom. Unfortunately, my anus let go and I shat myself. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 236

Too dry

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 20:00

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 844

You deserved it 419

Strange noise

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 819

You deserved it 231

Shit yourself time

By Seth - 04/07/2021 22:01

Today, on my way to a job interview, I saw a dog running down the road so I stopped to pet it. It was a wolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 568

Get a second opinion

By Anonymous - 14/09/2022 10:30 - Lithuania

Today, I went to see a doctor due to some gastric distress I have. I came out with directions to buy a blood pressure monitor, I'm prohibited from doing sports, and have a possible diagnosis of arterial hypertension which I am way too young to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 133

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The Top

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 809

You deserved it 2 054

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 044

You deserved it 31 799

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 333

You deserved it 58 769

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a really stubborn pimple. By the time I felt the cartilage rip, it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 1 130

Today, I saw my specialist and I told her that one of my medications is messing with my head too much. I said that it’s making my depression so bad I have started cutting again, and want to walk in front of a truck. They said I just have to "suck it up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 145

Today, I texted a friend saying I urgently needed his help. He gushed back along the lines of, "Glad you reached out, everyone has noticed your terrible frame of mind, you’re a suicide risk." I meant help with a tricky Excel spreadsheet, but thanks for the support I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 141