Today, I realized that it's not just the dog who's cockblocking me and not letting me get close. My girlfriend, whom I live with, rejects practically every advance. Of course, during her shark week, at least I get an excuse. I average once a month if I'm lucky. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've come to the realization that my girlfriend's mini Australian Shepherd dictates everything, from a hug and kiss goodbye, to when we try to have sex. The worst part is she won't do anything about it. Looks like another night with the damn dog between us… FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, my dog-obsessed wife complained that we never have sex anymore. Call me crazy but constantly hearing her say how dogs are better than husbands, sleeping with three huge dogs in bed every night, and watching her shove her tongue in the dogs’ mouths doesn’t exactly whip me into a sexual frenzy. FML
Today, I didn’t get to have Valentine's sex because the dog we just rescued is so attached to my husband that she tries to bite me every time I go near him. I seriously don’t think I’ve touched my husband once in over a week, and I’ve been bitten twice. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML
Today, my girlfriend is refusing to do anything around the house for me, including cooking, cleaning, laundry, or having sex. When I saw her cooking, I asked if any was for me. She instead replied, “Have the dog do it for you.” All this after I told her honestly that yes, my dog does mean more to me than she does. FML
Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
Physical compatibility is a big part of relationships. If you and your girlfriend don’t match there and it’s important to you, I don’t think this is gonna work.
Headlock912 2
I was in a similar position with my ex. She broke things off, and I’m realising more and more every day that we weren’t suited for each other
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Comments (5)
legalgravethief 8
Oi mate! That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about there!
Headlock912 2
I was in a similar position with my ex. She broke things off, and I’m realising more and more every day that we weren’t suited for each other
Anderling 33
Physical compatibility is a big part of relationships. If you and your girlfriend don’t match there and it’s important to you, I don’t think this is gonna work.
XRP123 11
Run away. It will never get better. I married that same girl. Sexless marriage ending in divorce and very very expensive. Not to mention the emotional cost. You know what to do. An unpleasant conversation but you might as well have it sooner than later.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Down voting you for Shark week which is kinda funny but also really mean. If my partner said that I wouldn't feel like having sex with him either